Week in Review: You Go, Girl

On behalf of David Feherty, I'd like to apologize for the following column. It again takes shots at House Mis-Speaker Nancy Pelosi, not to mention her fellow victims of CIA subterfuge, Roger Clemens, Tim Floyd and Mine That Bird.

Who knew the CIA was plotting to overthrow the Preakness? You will after reading the latest installment of Week in Review.

Last Sunday -- Former Vice President Dick Cheney goes on "Face the Nation" and warns that the Obama Administration's policies are making it easier for Brett Favre to "never just retire and leave us the hell alone."

Critics call for Feherty's head after he says U.S. troops would rather shoot Pelosi than Osama bin Laden. Pelosi says the CIA assured her that U.S. does not have any troops.

Jockey Calvin Borel says he is leaving Kentucky Derby winner Mine That Bird for another woman.

Monday -- As a new book detailing his steroid use goes on sale, Roger Clemens reiterates that he never, ever used banned substances. And if he did it was only because the CIA hid Human Growth Hormone in his rosin bag.

After Dallas beats Denver in Game 4, a TV cameraman calls Mark Cuban a thug and shoves the Mavs owner out of the way. The NBA rewards the cameraman $25,000

In the next-to-last episode of "24," Jack Bauer tries to save the world from a Nuggets-Magic championship final.

Tuesday -- Pelosi refuses to accept Feherty's apology until he admits he lied to her about CBS' plans to waterboard anyone suspected of beating Tiger Woods.

Pope Benedict goes to the Western Wall and sticks in a note praying that college football will junk the BCS for a playoff.

After Dwight Howard gets zero shots in a Game 5 loss to Boston, Orlando coach Stan Van Gundy climbs to the top of Space Mountain and threatens to jump unless people stop calling him the Master of Panic.

Wednesday -- Yahoo! Sports reports that USC coach Tim Floyd gave $1,000 to one of O.J. Mayo's flunkies. Floyd said he can prove his innocence and produces a receipt showing the money actually went to Reggie Bush.

Washington's Ryan Zimmerman's hitting streak ends at 30 games. Pelosi blames George W. Bush.

After reviewing semi-nude photos of Miss California, Donald Trump says Carrie Prejean can keep her crown because "she's really hot."

Thursday -- The Obama Administration announces the closing of 400 failing Chrysler dealers and 18 Major League Soccer franchises.

Favre visits famed orthopedic surgeon Dr. James Andrews, who threatens to suture his mouth shut if Favre doesn't announce his retirement soon.

Astronauts repair the Hubble Space Telescope, which then locates Manny Ramirez hiding in his condo on Pluto.

Friday -- Hundreds of Notre Dame students say they will boycott graduation ceremonies unless commencement speaker President Barack Obama says he will no longer support Charlie Weis.

CIA Director Leon Panetta says the agency was only being truthful when it told Pelosi she needed a facelift.

Assistant coach Pat Ewing guarantees Orlando will beat Boston in Game 7. Van Gundy immediately starts taking hostages and threatening to shoot them if Ewing can't teach Howard how to shoot a turnaround jumper in the next 36 hours.

Saturday -- With Borel doing the whipping, Rachel Alexandra becomes the first filly to win the Preakness in 85 years. Mine That Bird's owners vow revenge and sign Tony Stewart to ride the horse in the Belmont.

Pittsburgh linebacker James Harrison says he will not attend the White House reception next week because he'll be too tempted to steal the silverware.

Us Weekly reports that "Jon & Kate Plus 8" mom Kate Gosselin told her husband that at least three of their sextuplets belong to Travis Henry.

Can't-miss predictions for the upcoming week:

-- Favre again announces his irrevocable retirement, unless he decides he feels good enough to run in the Belmont.

-- The Obama Administration makes Feherty apologize to bin Laden for calling him a "terrorist."

-- Pelosi will swear under oath that Brian McNamee never injected her with Botox.