Sports continued to be overshadowed last week by the shocking death of a beloved superstar whose performances thrilled millions of fans worldwide for almost four decades.Fred Travalena, we're going to miss you.
According to various news reports, he wasn't the only celebrity who passed away. Rumor has it that Michael Jackson was downloaded. The first clue was when Katie Couric, Brian Williams and Charles Gibson did their evening newscasts wearing one sequined glove.
We here at Week in Review were at first put off by the intense coverage of Jackson's death. Then we found ourselves mesmerized by the 20/20 special on Michael's "alleged" plastic surgery and realized the media is simply giving consumers what they want.
All MJ, All the Time!
It would be silly to pretend his death didn't also affect the sporting planet's orbit last week. Besides, Jackson did have sports connections. Who could forget the wardrobe malfunction at Super Bowl XXXVIII when Justin Timberlake inadvertently removed Michael's nose?
Halftime shows have never been the same. Now our world will never be the same. So here's to you, Mr. Thriller.
We'd say R.I.P., but there are still a few thousand stories to go.
Last SundayThe Honduran Army ousts president Manuel Zelaya and exiles him to Costa Rica. ESPN reports he will be replaced by Larry Brown ... Anna Kournikova reportedly gets into a fight with a woman in Las Vegas. Kournikova wins in straight sets since it was a non-title fight ... The U.S. Navy begins tracking a North Korean ship suspected of carrying Allen Iverson and potentially targeting NBA cities ... In honor of Michael Jackson, Tennessee coach Lane Kiffin reportedly offers a scholarship to a 13-year-old boy.
Monday
Wimbledon's new retractable roof is closed for the first time to keep nearby migratory birds from being bothered by all those women players screaming during points ... The Houston Chronicle reports Yao Ming's career is threatened after he aggravated his broken foot trying to moonwalk ... Michael Jackson's ex-nurse says he begged her to turn on MLS games in order to cure his insomnia ... The wife of South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford asks the NCAA to sanction him for an illegal recruiting trip to Argentina.
Tuesday
Al Franken is declared the winner of Minnesota's disputed senate race after the state's Supreme Court decides to count MLB All-Star Game votes ... American Idol offers Simon Cowell $144 million a year to stay on the show. The Yankees promptly offer him $160 million to play second base ... A source who'd read Michael Jackson's will says the singer left his hyperbaric chamber to Ted Williams' head.
Wednesday
Los Angeles Police Dept. investigators say the New England Patriots secretly videotaped Michael Jackson's last practice ... Jesse Jackson demands that a second autopsy be performed on the Chicago Cubs ... The Trust for America's Health announces that for the fifth straight year Mississippi leads the nation in obesity rates. If for any reason the state can't fulfill its obligations in the next year the crown will go to Shaquille O'Neal.
Thursday
When rain interrupts Wimbledon, the retractable roof is used for the first time to keep John Daly dry ... Trying to maintain a low and dignified profile, Jermaine Jackson gives interviews and tours of Neverland Ranch to Larry King, Matt Lauer, David Feherty, Craig Sager, the Home Shopping Network, FanHouse and Rhinoplasty Illustrated ... Fed up with the incessant Michael Jackson coverage, North Korea fires four missiles at the media gathered outside the Staples Center.
FridayRafael Palmeiro again denies using steroids, saying the only supplement he ever took was vitamin B-12 given to him by Alex Rodriguez's cousin ... Jermaine Travalena gives a tour of his brother's condo to the Comedy Channel ... Sarah Palin announces she is resigning as Alaska's governor in order to devote more time to watching coverage of Michael Jackson's death ... Police reportedly seize 18 bags of drugs from Michael Jackson's mansion. A Jackson family spokesman says the confiscated bottles contained only vitamin B-12.
Saturday
Joey Chestnut sets a world record by devouring 68 hot dogs at the Nathan's hot dog eating contest. The record is broke mere hours later by Manny Ramirez in his first full game back with the Dodgers ... L.A. is hit by massive riots after fans who thought they'd won passes to Michael Jackson's memorial service were informed they'd actually signed up for season tickets to the Los Angeles Sparks ... After signing a two-year contract extension, Phil Jackson reveals he went by the name "Tito" for the first 19 years of his life.
The Double-Guaranteed Developments for the Upcoming Week
A French newspaper will report Lance Armstrong was one of 104 players who failed Major League Baseball's drug test in 2003 ... Approximately 23,000 fans and 592,824 media members will line the highway from Los Angeles to Neverland Ranch to watch Michael Jackson's funeral procession.
Comments (Page 1 of 1)
whitley....not funny
You summed it up perfectly. My response was going to be a lot longer, but this 'writer' needs to find a job he is good at. His satire is lame at best.
About Michial Jackson... SHUT-UP Already!!