It's only a matter of time before the Napa Valley Police introduce Raiders head coach Tom Cable to the back of a squad car for breaking assistant coach Randy Hanson's jaw. In preparation for that eventuality, here's a handy graph of potential Cable replacements.
Notes
Art Shell: He knows the system.
Bill Goldberg: Because only the Raiders would hire a former pro wrestler to coach the football team.
Bill Romanowski: Two words: protein shakes.
Usain Bolt: He runs really fast in a straight line.
John Madden: Currently unemployed former Raiders coach who led the team to a Super Bowl win.
JaMarcus Russell: You gotta pay him anyways.
John Dillinger: The Tom Cable getting cuffed and stuffed angle. Hopefully he has a great perp walk.
Marcus Allen: According to Davis, Allen dated Nicole Brown-Simpson right before she was murdered. A non sequitur, yes, but these are the Raiders.
Plaxico Burress: He now has street cred.
Nancy Gay, Tim Kawakami: Both have covered the Raiders for years and Tim is a favorite of the organization.
Steve Mariucci: He coached the 49ers at one time so he's familiar with the Bay Area, and his experience with the Lions would be invaluable in Oakland.
Jeff Garcia: Because he really wants to see JaMarcus maximize his potential.
Rich Gannon: The last quarterback to take the Raiders to the Super Bowl, he just has to stay away from the 9/11 jokes.
Randy Hanson: He loses the lawsuit and in lieu of community service, he gets stuck with Cable's old gig.
Mike Shanahan: Davis becomes the first owner to openly root for his own team to lose just to stick it to Mike Shanahan.
Lane Kiffin: Posted without comment.
Al Davis: He had two winning seasons as head coach, which is two more than they've had since their Super Bowl season.
