NFL Coaches Fight Club: Mike Tomlin (2) vs. Brad Childress (7)

NFL Coaches Fight Club: the Tournament. Because we have nothing better to do than predict what might happen if head coaches started punching each other in the face.

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Here's the deal: the only way Brad Childress would have a shot to win any fight -- real, imagined, whatever -- against Mike Tomlin is if Tomlin was just off a drug and alcohol-fueled Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas-inspired bender with Jeff Reed minutes before stepping into the ring (or wherever it is these matches take place). And even then, I wouldn't be shocked if Tomlin was still favored.

In other first-round matchups that have appeared to be lopsided on paper, the underdog (usually slightly built and older) could rely on smarts and wiles to give them a chance. Childress is both slight and old (and bald, which, I suppose, could serve to blind Tomlin if the match were held under interrogation lamps), and, hell, he may even be smart, he's just great at hiding it.

But even if Childress is a genius, Tomlin's just as sharp. Plus he's 50 pounds heavier and has all his hair. Mike's got the physical and psychological edge. And for the one or two of you who remained unconvinced: when Brett Favre finally decided to unretire again, Childress left Vikings practice to pick him up at the airport. Can you see Tomlin doing that? Or anybody who didn't have "Quality Control Assistant" in front of their name in the media guide? Me neither.

Not like it matters, but for completeness, Tomlin is a former wide receiver at the College of William and Mary and still holds the school record for career receiving touchdowns. Childress was an All-American defensive end at Ohio State before a freak accident (asteroid strike) shortened what would have been a hall of fame NFL career and forced him to the sidelines*.

So unless Brad shows up with Purple Jesus, Tomlin will wipe the floor with the man who gave him his first job as an NFL defensive coordinator in about the time it took you to read this run-on sentence.

* Attention dullards: sentence is fabricated.