Sorry, haters, but we've reserved a spot for you to the left. It's over there where all of those people who don't get Lady Gaga and think Pixar is overrated are standing. Statistics don't lie: Derek Jeter is the most handsome man in baseball, and being forced to play on the same team as fug monsters like Johnny Damon and Joba Chamberlain should be immediate qualification for "most valuable player." Nobody wears pinstripes like Jeet. Nobody wears decorative ankle bracelets featuring their number like Jeet. You know that girl you like? Jeter is sleeping with her. You know that girl the Internet tells you is prettier than the girl you like, but you just don't see it? Jeter's sleeping with her, too.Tonight's Dugout is after the jump.
The Dugout
| **Online Host** Welcome to the Most Valuable Player Chatroom! |
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JetersNeverProsper: It's supposed to be most VALUABLE player, right? When you remove him from the team, you change the trajectory. |
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JetersNeverProsper: The Twins were going to lose whether they had Mauer on the team or not... but would the Yankees have won the World Series without ME? |
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JetersNeverProsper: I'm telling you, man, un-freaking-believable. /takes long drag from slim cigarette |
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PujolJunkie: I know, is e'tragedy |
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JetersNeverProsper: All I hear is stats this, and stats that... stats stats stats stats stats stats stats |
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JetersNeverProsper: Stats don't make you a legend. Rafael Palmeiro had the best stats in the world, is he gonna be in the Hall of Fame or dead in somebody's rain gutters? |
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PujolJunkie: e'gotters |
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JetersNeverProsper: Period! Before I showed up the Yankees hadn't been in the World Series in 15 seasons... since I showed up, we've WON five |
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PujolJunkie: me too i help e'cardinals win e'championship |
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JetersNeverProsper: loool when |
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PujolJunkie: i don really remember |
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JetersNeverProsper: ...but all anybody cares about is stats. I had a great season! I hit over .300, I had a 100% OWN in Fantasy... |
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JetersNeverProsper: I wish I played in the National League, where stats don't matter because nobody can get any stats like, what did YOU do to win MVP? Have "intangibles?" |
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PujolJunkie: i lead e'national league in games play, at-bats, run, hits, doubles, triples, home runs, run batted in, stolen base, caught stealing, beebees, strikeout, batting average, on-base percentage, slug, OPS, tampa bay, giddy-up, e'hit-by-pitch, sacrifice hit, sacrifice fly, intentional beebees, adjusted OPS plus, wins, strikeouts going e'other way, complete games, saves, i win e'roberto clemente award from humanitarianism, i win e'willie stargell award for most heroic eating of hamburger, an i set e'new record by tagging out alfonso soriano what had to be 45,000 different times |
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JetersNeverProsper: groan, I'll never figure out WHAT they base that award on... -_- |
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PujolJunkie: e'sabermetrically i lead the league in IsoP, SecA, and BABIP despite not having any idea what they are... i personally hit cray biggio with 40 pitches despite no being a pitcher an cray biggio being retired... |
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JetersNeverProsper: i get it okay |
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PujolJunkie: i think "IsoP" is what you do when you have eat e'food an use bread or tortilla to soak up the remaining dressings |
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JetersNeverProsper: We might not have a lot in common, but at least you know what it's like to be the only good player on your team. |
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PujolJunkie: e'cuse me |
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JetersNeverProsper: What? I Literally cannot name another player on your team. Do you guys still have David Eckstein? |
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PujolJunkie: what about e'rod, he is on your team and he is very good |
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JetersNeverProsper: Oh, you mean Alex? Huh, well yeah, I didn't think about him. I guess he did have a small part in helping us win. |
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ster_rod: BOYYYY NOBODY GIVE aRAH THE CREDIT THAT SHE DESERVE |
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PujolJunkie: hey alex what are you doing right now |
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ster_rod: SPONGE-PAINTINGK A MURAL OF MYSELF AS A GLADIATORIAL KRAKEN ON MY BATHROOM WALL |
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PujolJunkie: /shrugs |
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JetersNeverProsper: I get what you're saying, Albert, but I'm sorry, Joe Mauer is an overrated player because of his position on a low-rent team going nowhere |
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JetersNeverProsper: MVP should be given to the player who helps his team go all the way, bottom line. |
| **Online Host** LawnMauer has entered the chatroom. |
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PujolJunkie: here's e'chance, jeet, tell him what you think |
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JetersNeverProsper: omg talk to him? No, no no no I... I couldn't, he's so... hee hee no |
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LawnMauer: 'sup /fips letterman jacket over shoulder |
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JetersNeverProsper: HEE HEE nothing Joe! Just... just hanging out, being too cool for school! You know! Heh! (ughhh I can't believe I just said thattt) |
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LawnMauer: uhh whatever |
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JetersNeverProsper: Congrats on winning the MVP, Joe! You look rully good holding the trophy! |
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LawnMauer: yeah... thanks |
| **Online Host** LawnMauer has left the chatroom. |
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JetersNeverProsper: G'bye, Joe! See you later! Good luck on your ... awwww /bangs head against lockers |
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PujolJunkie: pretty e'smooth |
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JetersNeverProsper: I'm never going to get an AL MVP award, am I? |
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ster_rod: I GOT THREE |
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PujolJunkie: and what are you doing tomorrow |
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ster_rod: SNORTINGK A EIGHT FOOT TALL PILE OF STEROIDS AND IMAGINING GATE HUDSON AS A CEREBUS |
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JetersNeverProsper: succubus |
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ster_rod: WHICH ONE IS THE BEEG DOG |
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PujolJunkie: /shrugs |
Comments (Page 1 of 1)
Handsome yeah right. Looks like a blockhead to me just like Johnny blockhead Damon
Boy, the Fanhouse didn't really do a good job of advertising the fact that The Dugout has a new home ... I've been blindly looking at the old MLB section in a vain attempt to find new content since Halloween!
And is B the only author for The Dugout now? Not that I'm complaining, I'm just curious ...
Boy, the Fanhouse didn't really do a good job of advertising the fact that The Dugout has a new home ... I've been blindly looking at the old MLB section in a vain attempt to find new content since Halloween!
And is B the only author for The Dugout now? Not that I'm complaining, I'm just curious ...
There are at least 100 players better looking than him. As long as he keeps his hat on, he is okay. Like the person who wrote this article, it is my personal opinion, not fact.
B deserves an award for Best Use Of Gladiatorial Kraken on The Internets.
"PujolJunkie: . . . an i set e'new record by tagging out alfonso soriano what had to be 45,000 different times"
He must've blown out his hamstring again.
This is hilarious!