As if Cleveland needed something else embarrassing to happen, Indians center fielder Grady Sizemore, known around Progressive Field as "our only remaining good player," has undertaken his own Tila Tequila-esque nude photo scandal. The good news is that the pictures are only semi-nude, and that he's the kind of guy women want to see in his underwear anyway. Not like Jim Thome is having a nude photo scandal or something. The bad news is that this is the first time the Indians have made news since April.Tonight's Dugout is after the jump. Warning: tonight's Dugout contains mature subject matter. Well, maybe not "mature."
The Dugout
 |
Pronky_Kong: hey man, you excited for monday night raw this week |
|---|---|
 |
MarteInTheUSA: not really, why, should I be? Is there going to be good wrestling or some sort of compelling story to follow? |
|
Pronky_Kong: even better, those irrepressible bad boys degeneration x are going to "little peoples court," which is a courtroom full of midgets |
|
MarteInTheUSA: why the hell are they in a midget court? |
|
Pronky_Kong: a dirty man-child midget posing as a leprechaun got some d-x merchandise and started wearing it and crotch chopping to show his suppor |
|
Pronky_Kong: but d-x didn't like it, so they sued the midget, sending the message to any small persons such as midgets or children that buying or wearing degeneration x merchandise could end in legal action |
|
Pronky_Kong: well, in a series of events torn from the pages of your favorite dickensian novel, the midget continued wearing d-x clothes and was physically assaulted by the two 40+ year old men, one of whom was wearing a wicker cowboy hat |
|
Pronky_Kong: the midget then countersued, and because midgets are midgets and not people, d-x has to go to a midget version of court |
|
MarteInTheUSA: what in the f**king f**k |
|
MarteInTheUSA: do they still professionally wrestle on these shows or is it just a shirtless version of Mad TV? |
|
Pronky_Kong: jack swagger and evan bourne were having a pretty good match, but they finished up in like 20 seconds |
| **Online Host** biscuits_and_grady has entered the chatroom. |
|
 |
biscuits_and_grady: OH MY GOD EVERYONE SIGN OFF, EVERYONE GET OFF OF THE INTERNET IMMEDIATELY |
|
MarteInTheUSA: oh god did eric wedge leave his computer with y2k still on it |
|
Pronky_Kong: i can't get off the internet, this is the only place where people care about what i think about how pinkie sanchez knew the inverted chikara special! |
|
biscuits_and_grady: I don't care, you have to get off now, there are semi-naked pictures of me on the internet. |
|
Pronky_Kong: so what? who cares |
|
MarteInTheUSA: Yeah, we see you naked all the time. You look like an action figure. You've even got the T-shaped pelvis |
|
Pronky_Kong: yeah, where they mold it so you can still move the legs up and down |
|
biscuits_and_grady: Yes, but these are compromising pictures I took for an undisclosed girlfriend/girlfriends over the last few years |
|
Pronky_Kong: what, you mean like everybody else in the world |
 |
JetersNeverProsper: oh no that's a shame :*( I'd really like to help but I don't know how, maybe you should tell me where the pictures are so I can think of something |
|
biscuits_and_grady: The worst part is that these pictures are clearly STOLEN from me, and I need to figure out who stole them |
|
Pronky_Kong: it couldn't have been me, my computer has been broken for the last three seasons |
|
MarteInTheUSA: and it couldn't have been anyone on the Indians, we don't have anyone left who can steal |
|
Pronky_Kong: whats the big deal, you're a handsome guy in great shape wait, you didn't do the jeff reed d**k cleavage thing did you |
|
MarteInTheUSA: you aren't knee-deep in a Kardashian or anything, are you |
|
biscuits_and_grady: no, no, it's nothing like that... |
|
JetersNeverProsper: I just asked every single player on the Yankees if they had copies and nobody did. |
|
Pronky_Kong: lol not even a-rod, i figured he'd have that sh** on his desktop |
|
JetersNeverProsper: Alex said he had one, but he'd already photoshopped Grady into pegasus. |
|
biscuits_and_grady: just sign off the internet and never come back, guys, this is the worst thing to ever happen to Cleveland |
|
biscuits_and_grady: besides the river fire, the crippled economy, the last 100 years of sports history, the weather, and that guy who was raping ladies and turning them into insulation |
|
Pronky_Kong: if i didn't quit the internet after that browns/lions game i'm not quitting it after this hold please |
|
Pronky_Kong: /googles "grady sizemore nude" |
|
JetersNeverProsper: I already searched for that, I didn't find anything. Although the last time I searched for it was last week, so maybe they added something |
|
Pronky_Kong: okay, here we go. /loads page, skims |
|
Pronky_Kong: okay, so i'm gonna assume that your humiliation comes from being a jacked up athlete who can cover his entire junk with a mug |
| **Online Host** JetersNeverProsper has left the chatroom. |
|
|
Pronky_Kong: lol and in this one you're trying to bunch it all up and it looks like you've just got change in your pocket |
|
biscuits_and_grady: aw hey come on |
|
MarteInTheUSA: I like the ones where you're dressed like the guys from Stella |
|
Pronky_Kong: is this your mom's bathroom? did you post these on /b/? |
|
biscuits_and_grady: come on guys don't make fun of me, girls are always telling me that my d**k is big! |
|
MarteInTheUSA: do you ever pay attention to the kind of girls who like you |
|
Pronky_Kong: besides, if you really had a big d**k you wouldn't still be playing in cleveland |
|
biscuits_and_grady: grrr, I just want to know who posted these... I can't even remember who I sent them to... |
|
Pronky_Kong: well there's the one where you have your playmate ex-girlfriend's picture up, and you're all "ooh baby i'm so hot for you i'm gonna masturbate without pulling down my underwear" |
 |
ShaprioAndBallyhoo: ahem does this sound familiar: "i just moved to the area and i think your hot - wanna chat? a/s/l/p" |
|
biscuits_and_grady: CullenCravings91??? |
|
MarteInTheUSA: Oh, okay, that explains it, you just fell for one of Shapiro's tricks. |
|
Pronky_Kong: he's got n00ds from all of us by now - one time he told me that eating 2 hot dogs on sugardale dollar dog night would be hot, so i did and was sick for eight months |
|
MarteInTheUSA: one time he let me play four whole seasons without telling me i suck sh** at playing baseball |
|
ShaprioAndBallyhoo: "oh grady take a picture in your ladies jeans, show me your steve from blues clues underwear" |
| **Online Host** biscuits_and_grady has left the chatroom. |
|
|
ShaprioAndBallyhoo: have I systematically destroyed the team yet |
|
Pronky_Kong: pretty much |
Comments (Page 1 of 1)
"you aren't knee-deep in a Kardashian or anything, are you"
LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL
"MarteInTheUSA: and it couldn't have been anyone on the Indians, we don't have anyone left who can steal"
WINNER!
"Pronky_Kong: i can't get off the internet, this is the only place where people care about what i think about how pinkie sanchez knew the inverted chikara special!"
I have a feeling Crossbones taught him that, which will lead to him defecting from the Order and joining the Brüderschaft.
Another great dugout, B.