Back Porch Celebrity Boxing

Eighteen years ago, a group of Los Angeles cops beat the crap out of Rodney King. The officers were acquitted of any wrongdoing, and the verdict triggered the 1992 L.A. riots.

Yesterday, in the name of making a few bucks -- and having absolutely nothing to do with retribution -- King beat the crap out of a former Philadelphia-area policeman in a pay-per-view "celebrity" boxing match.

It was a bad week if you believe that UFOs exist, the mob killed JFK and the NBA banished Michael Jordan to Area 51 to cure his gambling addiction.

LeBron James did not make the NBA Finals. If that doesn't shoot down the whole notion of conspiracy theories, nothing will.

Occasionally there are photos in ye olde Getty Images account that have no real story behind them. That, seemingly, makes for a perfect time to bust out a caption contest. So, um, yeah, Make With the Funny.

Mike Tyson is universally regarded as "sane." Oftentimes "bankrupt." And, sometimes, "imprisoned." Most recently though, he had to have been recognized by the folks attending the annual (?) Video Game Awards as "fat as hell".

Yes, that's right. The man you see to your right is indeed not Big Mike from the hit NBC show "Chuck" (thanks for the joke, Wilson). That man is Freaking Iron Mike Tyson. And as if being in the poor house, being clinically insane and tossed in a jail a few times wasn't bad enough, he's now tremendously overweight.

At this point I suppose I could make a "Ohmigod he really did eat Lennox Lewis' children" joke, but I think I'm just going to plug my Nintendo in and have a good cry.

Best caption in the comments for Fat Iron Mike wins a free, autographed Sexy Bloggers of FanHouse 2009 Calendar*.

Props to Butter Team for the heads up.

*Still in production

There really isn't a bad time to be allowed that wonderful image of having your wife cutting off your penis with a steak knife while you sleep. Ahhhh, memories.

John Wayne Bobbitt, the gentleman (we can still call him a man, right?) that lost more than half his 9-iron in that "Sweeney Todd" experiment has decided that his autobiography might not be weird enough, agreeing to fight Greg Smith, the barber that punched out Marion "Suge" Knight during a street-fight in Hollywood.

Norm Clarke of the Las Vegas Review Journal is reporting the two are set to fight on November 15.

Bobbitt, 41, is training for a Nov. 15 celebrity boxing match in Philadelphia against Smith, the barber who made news in May when he knocked out rap mogul Knight during a street altercation in Hollywood.

Bobbitt was scheduled to fight Joey Buttafuoco in a televised celebrity match several years ago, but the event fell apart. Earlier this year, Bobbitt agreed to slug it out with former baseball star Jose Canseco, but the promoter switched to former NFL player and BYU standout Vai Sikahema, who pounded the beefier Canseco into carpaccio.