Back Porch FanHouse

Firefighter Hit by Bus, Completes Ironman Triathlon 40 Surgeries Later

Michael David Smith — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 09:00:00 EST

Matthew Long is a New York City firefighter who was at the World Trade Center on 9/11, and that experience made him resolve to always be in peak physical condition so he'd be ready for anything. As a result, Long started competing in triathlons.

And then, in 2005, he was run over by a New York City bus.

It's important, Long says, to note that he wasn't just hit by the bus, he was run over by the bus -- pinned underneath it and impaled on the bicycle he was riding until rescue crews could remove him and rush him to the hospital, where doctors told his parents they thought he had a 1% chance of surviving.

But after months in the hospital and 40 surgeries, he did survive. And as the profile of Long that airs on HBO's Real Sports With Bryant Gumbel Tuesday night shows, he did a lot more than just survive.

Through an exhausting regimen of physical therapy and hard-core training, Long re-built his badly mangled body to the point where he ran the New York City Marathon in 2008, three years after the accident. And after he completed the marathon, he decided that he couldn't stop there, and he got himself all the way back into Ironman Triathlon shape, completing last summer's Lake Placid Ironman -- a 2.4-mile swim, 112-mile bike ride and 26-mile run -- in under the Ironman time limit of 17 hours.

Not many people can complete an Ironman, and it's hard to imagine anyone completing an Ironman after going through what Long went through. But Long is an inspiration, and the Real Sports segment is a good look at a man who refused to quit.

Firefighter Hit by Bus, Completes Ironman Triathlon 40 Surgeries Later originally appeared on Back Porch FanHouse on Tue, 24 Nov 2009 09:00:00 EST . Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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Run, Forrest, Run: Why I Hate Jogging

Clay Travis — Thu, 21 May 2009 17:53:00 EST

Filed under: Distance Running, Endurance, Outdoor Sports, Track and Field

I hate jogging. Passionately. Every couple of years I get fat and I have to start jogging again. Now is one of those times; I'm up to 186 pounds, about 11 pounds above my playing weight. Recently I saw a picture of myself in a wife-beater and I looked like a beached whale. Well, a beached whale in a wife-beater. Traditionally I loathe every moment that I spend jogging, but this time around it's worse than it's ever been before.

Why? Because I live in a majority black neighborhood in downtown Nashville where no one ever jogs. No one. When you jog here, people look behind you to see who you're running from. Once they confirm that you've chosen to run on your own and aren't being pursued, they make fun of you. "Run, Forrest, run!" my neighbors call from the shady comfort of their front porches, from the insides of their air-conditioned cars, from the jungle gym in the neighborhood park.

Yep, I'm white, I have a beard, and I jog. This makes me Forrest Gump to everyone in the neighborhood.

The first time I was taunted by kids playing in the neighborhood park. Five kids were standing in line to come down the yellow slide, and I jogged past them. Without skipping a beat a young girl of about 10, pointed me out, "Run, Forrest, run!" she said. Everyone laughed. It took me a while to realize exactly what had been said, but by now I'm used to it. Everyone from eight to 80 is doing it, making fun of me while I jog, reinforcing my distaste for running with every step.

While you jog you have lots of time to think. Often, I count down the reasons why I hate to jog in my head. They go something like this:

1. I don't ever get a second wind. Never. Ever. In my entire life of running, I've never suddenly felt my legs lighten and believed I could go on running for days. I don't believe second winds actually exist.

2. People who I convince to go jogging with me end up doing better than me. This has happened three times. The first time with my college roommate, Krisha, the second time with my wife and the third time with my friend Tardio. Now they jog all the time for miles on end. They enjoy it. I still hate it.

3. I live in Nashville and am allergic to everything on Earth. Truly. I went to the allergy clinic as a 25-year-old, finally got the needle testing done, and the only thing I'm not allergic to is mold. My entire arm where they pin-pricked me was one raised bump. The city of Nashville is located in a bowl, surrounded by large hills. It's one of the worst places for allergies on Earth. I can never breathe here. For the past several months everywhere you look pollen is literally floating in the air. Occasionally I've even swallowed the pollen out of the air. As I'm jogging attempting to spit the pollen back out of my mouth, I sometimes think I'm going to die.

4. Waiting to cross streets. It's impossible not to look like a tool while you're waiting to cross the street and going for a jog. Do you keep moving your legs through a traffic light sequence? No, I can't do that. I feel like I'm auditioning for A Chorus Line. So instead I stop moving and just stand there. Which reinforces my desire not to be running. As soon as the light changes I have to start up again.

5. Even if you're really good at jogging, you're still just really good at jogging. Why do people brag about how far they can run? The only reason you can run long distances is because you do it all the time. It serves no actual purpose in life. It's not the Middle Ages. No one walks up to you at work and says, "This document has to be 11 miles from here in 58 minutes or the company is going bankrupt." Nope, they just put someone in a car and get it there in 20 minutes. It's a skill that has no useful purpose. Imagine if I decided I was going to juggle every day for two hours. I'd be awesome at juggling. But unless I wanted to pick up lonely lady clowns, it's not terribly helpful.

6. Running is like cross-word puzzles, I used to do them because I thought they would make me smarter. Then I heard that the only thing completing crossword puzzles did was make you better at doing crossword puzzles. It's the same with running. Your endurance just gets better for running. Even people who go for two-hour jogs aren't that good at, say, playing full-court basketball where you're required to run at different speeds and take breaks in between plays. It's a solitary skill that has no lasting benefit, like being awesome at horseshoes. Only you can't drink beer while you run. So even worse.

7. Runners are snobby. Whenever a regular runner sees you stop running, they look down their nose at you. "Oh, you're stopping already," their cutting eyes seem to say. Whenever I stop running in front of other runners, I always want to say, "Whew, polished off those fifty miles pretty easy today." Because running is a "sport" that plodding misanthropes embrace, people who are really competitive but pretend they aren't. That's why so many lawyers run.

Question: How many hours did you bill yesterday?

Me: 10.1

Questioner: Cool, knocked out 10.2 myself.

Question: How many miles did you run today?

Me: Three

Questioner: 3.1 here.

Me: I hate you.

8. I don't get a runner's high when I'm done. My body isn't suffused with endorphins that make me sky-high with the feeling of accomplishment. I've just got really sweaty socks and I can barely breathe. If I feel any relief it's because I don't have to dread running anymore for that day.

9. If people find out you run more than three miles at one time, they ask you whether you've ever run a marathon. Everyone does this. I have no idea why. If someone sees you playing basketball, they don't walk up and ask if you can dunk. Although, to be fair, dunking requires athletic ability. Running requires no real athletic ability, just a desire to keep moving no matter the consequences.

10. No one actually likes jogging. Look at the faces of people as they jog. I defy you to find someone who looks like they enjoy it. (I'll craft a small exception for men who have managed to get behind a really hot woman and are mesmerized by watching her from behind.) How has something that no one likes become so popular? I'll tell you, because people lie about liking jogging and no one calls them on it. Jogging is sado-masochism disguised as sport.

11. Oprah ran a marathon. So I don't doubt that if I committed myself to training for 20 hours a week, or whatever it is, I could run a marathon too. Otherwise I'm required to believe that Oprah is a better athlete than I am. But here's the deal, once Oprah ran a marathon didn't it strip away the majesty of the marathon-ing experience. It would be like if Jose Canseco's next book was One Hundred Years of Solitude. I'd just throw up my hands and quit writing.

I'm looking at my tennis shoes by the door right now. I don't want to put them on, I really don't. But I know sooner or later I'm going to, a latter-day Pickett's Charge into the heat of the day. And I'm going to hate every second of it. Like everyone other person who has ever run.

It's starting to get hot in Nashville. The other day, I was out on a Sunday morning. It was already 80 degrees downtown. The sun was baking off the pavement, shimmering on the reflected windows of the Kentucky Fried Chicken. A Lincoln Continental pulled past me, stopped, and rolled down the window. An old hand extended outside. As I jogged by an elderly black woman wearing a white hat and a white dress, on her way to church, addressed me.

"Good morning, Forrest," she cackled.

I hate it, I really do.

Run, Forrest, Run: Why I Hate Jogging originally appeared on Back Porch FanHouse on Thu, 21 May 2009 17:53:00 EST . Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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Boston Marathon: Ryan Hall, Kara Goucher Both Finish 3rd for U.S.

Will Brinson — Mon, 20 Apr 2009 13:18:00 EST

Filed under: Distance Running, Endurance, Action Sports, Current Events

The Boston Marathon -- a Patriot Day staple -- took place Monday and the results were, well, both shocking and encouraging for the U.S. Ethopia's Deriba Merga and Kenya's Salina Kosgei were the winners of the men's and women's races, respectively, but America managed to place third in each division as well, as Kara Goucher and Ryan Hall led the way for the U.S.

Perhaps third is not what most competitors strive for, but America's finish is the best in quite some time, considering that no American has won the event since 1985 when Lisa Larsen-Weidenbach took home the women's title.

Kosgei, the women's winner, said the weather made finishing the race difficult.

"I decided I must try. So, I tried," she said in a television interview. "The wind was a bit stronger. ... So, it was very hard."

The weather didn't seem to bother the Americans too much, though, as Hall finished the race 62 seconds off the winning pace (2:09:40), while Goucher finished just nine seconds behind Kosgei (2:32:25).

Ultimately, though, Ethiopa and Kenya dominated the races, placing a ridiculous 14 runners total in the top-10 of both the men's and women's races, and showed that America still has some ground to make up when it comes to marathon racing.

(But, at least Hall and Goucher appear to be rebutting some companies' idea that America is getting fatter.)

Boston Marathon: Ryan Hall, Kara Goucher Both Finish 3rd for U.S. originally appeared on Back Porch FanHouse on Mon, 20 Apr 2009 13:18:00 EST . Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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The Real Jennifer Figge Story

Matt Snyder — Wed, 11 Feb 2009 17:15:00 EST

Filed under: Endurance, Outdoor Sports, Swimming

Early this week, the story of Jennifer Figge swimming "across" the Atlantic Ocean surfaced. Nearly immediately, skeptics began crunching the numbers and it was painfully obvious she didn't come close to doing many of the things for which credit was being given.

The erroneous nature of the reports comes basically in the distances. When the AP originally reported she swam 2,100 miles, they were calculating how far her boat traveled. In all actuality, Figge probably only swam around 250 miles, if that.

Members of her crew have been coming to her aid in the aftermath, correctly pointing out that no one ever explicitly stated -- from their camp, at least -- that she was to swim the entire distance. You see, you can't exactly drop anchor in the middle of the ocean. Thus, her boat never stopped, so when she got in the boat to rest, eat, avoid bad weather, or escape Portugese man-o-war attacks; said boat just kept humming along across the ocean.

In fact, the farthest she ever swam in one day was 25 miles, and that was when she was being helped by a strong current.

"Some of the more sensational stories made it sound like she got in the water at point A and never stopped swimming, like Nemo, until she got to Trinidad," (Manager David Higden said Monday.

"That wasn't the case, and it never was supposed to be the case.

"The plan all along was for her to swim a little bit every day and then get in the boat."

Some days she was only in the water for 20 minutes or so, according to reports. Also of note is that she was swimming in a cage that would protect her from sharks. Apparently, though, that's all it kept out:

"Whales literally came up to her," Higden said. "She swam with dolphins some days."

Finally, the plan was never to make the news of an incredible athletic feat. It was, instead, more about the adventure, according to Higden.

"Jennifer once told me, 'This is about the romance, not the science,' " he said. "She loves to be in the water.

The Real Jennifer Figge Story originally appeared on Back Porch FanHouse on Wed, 11 Feb 2009 17:15:00 EST . Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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Jennifer Figge, 56, Becomes First Woman To Swim Across Atlantic Ocean

Tom Herrera — Sun, 08 Feb 2009 09:20:00 EST

Filed under: Endurance, Swimming

Endurance, thy name is Jennifer Figge. With all the detritus we've had to sort through in sports over the past couple of days, it's a breath of fresh air to hear a story like this one. The 56-year-old became the first woman on record to swim across the Atlantic as she touched land for the first time in almost a month.

According to the AP report, Figge had the dream conquest in her head since the early 1960's during a stormy trans-Atlantic flight, and it turned into reality Thursday night when she arrived on Trinidad's Chacachacare Island (an abandoned leper colony of all places).

During her taxing journey, Figge had to battle waves of up to 30 feet and strong winds, and the inclement weather forced her to veer 1,000 miles off course; she originally was supposed to swim to the Bahamas. Her longest time in the water was about eight hours.

Her nourishment? That would be pasta and baked potatoes for breakfast, bottles of energy drinks -- delivered by her crew as she swam -- and at night, she dined on meat, fish and peanut butter to restock the estimated 8,000 calories she burned each day.

Figge, who made the journey a decade after French swimmer Benoit Lecomte pulled off his solo trans-Atlantic swim, will continue onward from Trinidad to the British Virgin Islands before returning home to Colorado, where her Alaskan Malamute waits.

"My dog doesn't know where I am," she told the AP. "It's time for me to get back home to Hank."

For more, be sure to check out Figge's Facebook page.

Update: Figge's real swimming time and distance much shorter than reported.

Did You See That?

The field clears a fence during the New Season Handicap Steeplechase during the at Ludlow Racecourse on September 16, 2008 in Ludlow, England.

Emanuele Canonica of Italy helps his caddie in the rescue of a pigeon from the water around the 18th green during the first round of the Portugal Masters at the Oceanico Victoria Golf Course on October 16, 2008 in Vilamoura, Portugal.

A multiexposure image showing Britain's Andy Murray returning to Croatian Marin Cilic during a last sixteen tennis match at the Madrid Masters in Madrid on October 16, 2008. Andy Murray won 7-5, 7-6.

English football fans dressed in armours and tunics play in a friendly match against Belarus fans in Minsk on October 15, 2008 before the start of the Belarus vs. England 2010 FIFA World Cup qualifier of European group 6 match.

Travis Brigley (R) of Hamburg fights with Matt Keith (L) of Ingolstadt during the DEL match between Hamburg Freezers and ERC Ingolstadt at the Color Line Arena on October 14, 2008 in Hamburg, Germany.

Russian Nikolay Davydenko returns a ball to US Robby Ginepri during a second round tennis match at the Masters in Madrid on October 15, 2008.

A golf ball which has been enveloped by the tree over many years is pictured during the pro-am for the Portugal Masters at the Oceanico Victoria Golf Course on October 15, 2008 in Vilamoura, Portugal.

Andy Murray of Great Britain plays football during his training session prior to his thrid round match tomorrow at the Madrid Masters tennis tournament at the Madrid Arena on October 15, 2008 in Madrid, Spain.

Samuel Peter from Nigeria gets a punch from Vitali Klitschko of Ukraine during their WBC heavyweight boxing world championship fight in Berlin, Germany, Saturday, Oct. 11, 2008. Klitschko won the fight after round nine due to technical knock out.

Herbert Knosowski, AP

Japan's Kyoko Hamaguchi (lower) fights with China's Hong Yan (red) during the semi-final of the 72kg class of the Women's Wrestling World Championships in Tokyo on October 13, 2008. Hong defeated Hamaguchi and will face Bulgaria's Stanka Zlateva in the final.

Yoshikazu Tsuno, AFP/Getty Images

Jennifer Figge, 56, Becomes First Woman To Swim Across Atlantic Ocean originally appeared on Back Porch FanHouse on Sun, 08 Feb 2009 09:20:00 EST . Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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Philadelphia Marathon Results: Ukrainian Pair Runs Away With Race

Tom Herrera — Sun, 23 Nov 2008 19:25:00 EST

Filed under: Distance Running, Endurance

There were about 18,000 runners in the Philadelphia Marathon, but two Ukrainians outran them all on a frigid Sunday. Andriy Toptun won in 2 hours, 19 minutes, 58 seconds over the 26.2-mile course, while Vera Ovcharuk clocked in at 2:44.03 in her marathon debut.

"I had to run alone and it was cold, so the time is not too bad," Toptun said through an interpreter.

[American runner Fred] Kieser lost sight of Toptun early in the race.

"I thought I might have a chance at the eight-mile mark, but he just had too much left in the tank," said Kieser, who coaches a high school girls cross country team.

The Philly Marathon, founded in 1954, awards $3,500 to the first-place finishers.

Even if I had a remote shot to win that kind of money in a marathon, I still don't think I'd venture into 30-degree weather for such a grueling race... which is why I give these long-distance runners, like FanHouse's very own This Suit Is Not Black, so much credit for having that kind of will.

Men's Results:
1. Andriy Toptun, 27, 2:19:58 (Ukraine)
2. Fred Kieser, 37, 2:22.45 (Cleveland)

Women's Results:
1. Vera Ovcharuk, 27, 2:44.03 (Ukraine)
2. Abby Dean, 37, 2:48.52 (Philadelphia)

Philadelphia Marathon Results: Ukrainian Pair Runs Away With Race originally appeared on Back Porch FanHouse on Sun, 23 Nov 2008 19:25:00 EST . Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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Face-Stuffing Easier on the Skinny

Irishoutsider — Thu, 06 Dec 2007 12:14:00 EST

Filed under: Endurance, Sports of an Extreme Nature

One of the great mysteries of the competitive eating world has finally been explained. The question: Why do Thin Guys Always Win Eating Contests? Bypassing the unfair generalizations that overlook some of the sport's original, more traditionally corpulent champions, Das FanHaus always fine such intense study of the lesser appreciated sports fascinating. The article, originally from PopSci.com, explains:

Muscles stretch when they relax, and when we eat a big meal, our stomach muscles relax so much that they send a message to the brain, which interprets the signal to mean a full belly. Then our brain stops us from eating anymore. But a good training regimen deadens this communication, causing "the signal to the brain or the brain itself to become less responsive to the large volume of food," says Douglas Seidner, M.D., program director for clinical nutrition at the Cleveland Clinic. In other words, you can eat yourself numb, or at least deaden your urge to stop.

Thus explains one of the true paradoxes of speed-eating. Das FanHaus would like to think that there's some kind of secret lab in Japan, or possible Coney Island, where such studies consist of hot dog gorging while being hooked up to all sort of fancy monitoring equipment. Something like those Gatorade ads, but with
more ketchup than sweat.

Face-Stuffing Easier on the Skinny originally appeared on Back Porch FanHouse on Thu, 06 Dec 2007 12:14:00 EST . Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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Gluttonous Sinners to Aid Nation in Thanksgiving Digestion

Irishoutsider — Tue, 20 Nov 2007 23:10:00 EST

Filed under: Endurance, Sports of an Extreme Nature

Today, Spike TV, that veritable cornucopia of Fanhaus materials is giving us fair warning for our holiday viewing. After the various baked and fried turkeys, stuffings, dressings, yams, and pumpkin pies have been thoroughly gorged upon, if the slate of NFL blowouts isn't enough to make you sick, check out the Major League Eating (MLE) Chowdown. The following commercial is definitely NSFW ... containing gritty closeups and full protonic "reversals."

It's time to once again revisit the great debate of "Is this a sport?" To which, Das Fanhaus endorses with an emphatic yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. It has the toothlessness of hockey, the full-on obesity of many an NFL lineman, and the flashy sets of that Rock-Paper-Scissors tournament shown occasionally on ESPN. I really hope this bacchanal is live, and that one of the internet's many illustrious online wagering sites will give me some action on this. I want to take the deceptively skinny old-timer plus the points, but I probably won't be able to because gambling is wrong. This is art, and you can't gamble on art ... unless you're in Bellagio in mid February.

Gluttonous Sinners to Aid Nation in Thanksgiving Digestion originally appeared on Back Porch FanHouse on Tue, 20 Nov 2007 23:10:00 EST . Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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Nurburgring: the Racetrack of Your Video Game Dreams

Orson Swindle — Tue, 12 Jun 2007 11:53:00 EST

Filed under: Endurance

You may not have run it in an 1100cc GoKart as in the video above, but you probably recognize anyway: that's the Nurburgring, alternating host track of the German Grand Prix and model for countless video game loops you've probably wrecked a good number of virtual cars on over the years.

The 3.2 mile loop--once dubbed "Green Hell" by driver Jackie Stewart, an homage to both the beautiful pastoral scenery and its twisted difficulty--hosted the Nurburgring 24 Hours this weekend, one of those sadistic endurance races where extraordinarly wealthy people with cars that cost more than the GDP of Romania run their crews and drivers into the ground over nearly impossible race courses because...well, mostly because they can, and you can't, you penniless plebe.

The Manthey Race Team, piloting a fleet of Porsche 911 GT3 (Street legal edition price: only $100,000!), won the day despite a two hour rain delay, with the new 911 RSR performing flawlessly in its first serious outing. If this all seems a bit frilly, cold, and Jean Girard-esque for your tastes, then you are likely not German: the race drew 210,000 spectators throughout the 24 hour ordeal, which features drivers pulling hellbent through the night with headlights on the dark, winding roads of the Ring.

Nurburgring: the Racetrack of Your Video Game Dreams originally appeared on Back Porch FanHouse on Tue, 12 Jun 2007 11:53:00 EST . Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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Kobayashi Vs. Bear: "He Doesn't Know It's A Competition."

Orson Swindle — Mon, 04 Jun 2007 20:38:00 EST

Filed under: Endurance, Sports of an Extreme Nature

Kobayashi. Michael Buffer. A ton of Kodiak bear. Two plates of hot dogs. A television magic that can only be called "Foxtastic."

Sometime, when you're dying, on your deathbed, you might ask yourself, "Self--did we see anything worth talking about? Anything really, really special in this life?"

We've answered that question for you. Press play, and you may say yes with confidence.

And now: Kobayashi versus a bear in a competitive eating contest.

Kobayashi Vs. Bear: "He Doesn't Know It's A Competition." originally appeared on Back Porch FanHouse on Mon, 04 Jun 2007 20:38:00 EST . Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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