Back Porch FanHouse

Armstrong Still Set for Tour de France

Shane Bacon — Tue, 24 Mar 2009 12:30:00 EST

Filed under: International Cycling, Cycling

If you thought the broken collarbone suffered by Lance Armstrong at the Tour de Castilla y Leon in Spain on Monday was going to keep him out of the 2009 Tour de France, you would apparently be incorrect.

The seven-time winner of the premier cycling event will compete in France and possibly in the Giro d'Italia, according to the Astana team manager Johan Bruyneel.

"I don't think this changes anything for the Tour de France," Bruyneel said Tuesday. "A broken collarbone in the month of March does not at all compromise the start of the Tour de France or your performance in the Tour de France."

Judging by the above picture found on Lance's popular Twitter page, the break has obviously been a problem. He has described it to his near 400,000 Twitter followers as "hurt(ing) like hell for now," but as anyone that has broken a bone can attest, such an injury doesn't normally tickle. Armstrong has until May 9 to be ready for the Giro, and the Tour de France isn't until July 4, but the big question mark is with his training. Like another Twitter post describes, "Btw, hard to tweet left handed," so I'm sure riding a bike and training for one of the most grueling events in the world isn't exactly going to be easy.

That said, if there was an athlete in this world that I'd put money on in Vegas to come back from some sort of injury to compete in an event that was in question, Lance would probably be at the top of my list with nobody even close. The guy took down cancer. He's scoffed at adversity.

The only problem is, if the guy went out and miraculously won this thing, I think the French might be so frustrated they'd actually ask for the Statue of Liberty back.

Armstrong Still Set for Tour de France originally appeared on Back Porch FanHouse on Tue, 24 Mar 2009 12:30:00 EST . Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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Lance Armstrong Fears Personal Safety at '09 Tour de France

Shane Bacon — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 13:49:00 EST

Filed under: International Cycling, Cycling

To Americans, Lance Armstrong is a hero. He's a man that not only beat cancer, but went on to beat thousands of cyclists for seven straight years at the Tour de France, a feat never accomplished before in the sport's biggest race.

To everyone else, Armstrong is a cheat. Countries see him as an American that found an edge that still can't be traced. They see him as a guy that has a little too much dirt under his fingernails that one day will be revealed, like a sports figure with a Joker jersey on under his cycling gear.

Because of that, Armstrong has professed fear for his personal safety if he decides to enter the 2009 Tour de France, the first time he would be competing in the event since his final victory in 2005.

"I don't want to enter an unsafe situation but you see this stuff coming out of France," said the American rider, who has many critics in France. "They're some aggressive, angry emotions. If you believe what you read, my personal safety could be in jeopardy."

It is worth noting that the country in question here is France (which, when speaking of violent acts, always brings me back to this video), even if the people do seem to get heated when talking about Lance and his dominance over their big sporting event.

While cycling attacks are few and far between, we have to remember that the French have been out to get this guy for a while. In early October we reported that Lance was being brought under investigation by an Anti-Doping agency in France about urine samples dating all the way back to 1999. One of his urine samples came back positive for some sort of illegal substance but it was all messed up because you need two sets of tests to come up positive to prove anything. Since that dates back to '99, the other test had been tossed out so basically the agency had a foundation to build on but no supplies for the house.

Armstrong did say that while critics continue to ride him about doping, he has and will continue to have nothing to hide.

"I understand people in France and in cycling might have that perception, but the reality is that there's nothing there," he said. "The level of scrutiny I've had throughout my career from the press and the anti-doping authorities is unmatched. I'm not afraid of anything. I've got nothing to hide. I won seven Tours through hard work.

To steer away from safety for a minute, Armstrong did say he feels that he is in the best shape he's been in at this point in training ever, even saying he feels as motivated as he did in 1999 when coming back from cancer.

"I'm much better physically now," he said at his home in Austin, Texas. "And mentally there is no comparison. I'm far stronger and more motivated. The motivation of 2008 feels like the motivation of 1999. I was back from cancer then. I had the motivation of vengeance because nobody wanted me or believed in me."

While I find it rather remarkable, and possibly a little fishy, that a guy could come back from testicular cancer and a germ cell tumor that metastasized to his lungs and brain and become one of, if not the, greatest cyclist of all time, nothing has ever been dug up on the guy, so you have to give him the benefit of the doubt.

While comebacks are normally a lot of hype and little success, it seems if Armstrong puts his mind to something he normally succeeds. What, you think he just happened to run into Sheryl Crow on the streets of Austin? This dude's life has basically been that "Strong Enough to Be My Man" song.

Lance Armstrong Fears Personal Safety at '09 Tour de France originally appeared on Back Porch FanHouse on Tue, 18 Nov 2008 13:49:00 EST . Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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French Anti-Doping Agency Wants Lance Armstrong's Urine Samples ... From 1999

Shane Bacon — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 16:32:00 EST

Filed under: International Cycling, Cycling

The moment cycling's Tiger Woods announced he was coming back to race again, doping issues have exploded.

Will Lance Armstrong take substances to help train? Will he take substances during the races? What substances will he take?

Well, it turns out, the French anti-doping agency wants to take samples of Armstrong's urine from all the way back in 1999, the year rumors swirled that Lance's urine had failed portions of a drug test. Stupid urine, you can't pass anything anymore!

The French anti-doping authority has thrown down a challenge to the seven-time Tour de France champion, proposing he agree to retesting of his 1999 urine samples to see whether a French newspaper was right when it reported they contained traces of EPO, a banned blood-boosting hormone that enhances endurance.

A positive test from the samples could not lead to a ban that would thwart the 37-year-old's much-heralded return to cycling after three years in retirement. Too much time has passed for disciplinary measures to be taken and only part of Armstrong's samples were kept.
Even so, the proposal renews debate about one of the most contested questions surrounding Armstrong: whether he was clean when he won.

The biggest snag is they want urine samples from 1999, where only one portion of the test still exist. Not like I'm a urine expert (swear) but supposedly when being tested your urine is divided into two samples, the "A" and "B" samples. Both samples have to show a banned substance for you to fail, and the only ones remaining from Lance's 1999 pee is "B." So, if they test it and it comes up showing something banned, it will still not be confirmed because there is zero "A" samples. Whew, that's a lot to stomach, now I know why it's tough to land that job teaching "Urine Testing 101" at Fort Manor Community College.

The president of the French anti-doping agency, Pierre Bordry, said he wants to be the intermediary in this whole situation, even though, you know, he already thinks Armstrong doped.

Quoted by L'Equipe, Pierre Bordry said he wanted to act as "a referee" between the newspaper and Armstrong. But Bordry already seemed to have an opinion, speaking to the newspaper of samples "which contain erythropoietin [EPO]."

"I want this comeback to take place in the best circumstances," L'Equipe quoted him as saying in its Wednesday edition. "If he agrees, we'll launch the operation."

He added: "This way, he will perhaps have the chance to affirm that he never cheated during his brilliant career."

It sure is hard to know if Armstrong ever doped or not, but I hate all the negative attention on the guy after he said he's coming back mainly to "raise awareness of the global cancer burden." Also, his new team, Astana, is hiring a drug-testing expert to follow the seven-time Tour de France winner around and continually keep his test updated and posted online.

The French have always had it out for this guy, but honestly, in our country you're innocent until proven guilty. Maybe it's time they accept the same set of ideals.

French Anti-Doping Agency Wants Lance Armstrong's Urine Samples ... From 1999 originally appeared on Back Porch FanHouse on Wed, 01 Oct 2008 16:32:00 EST . Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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Contador in Yellow: The Tour Straggles to an End

Orson Swindle — Mon, 30 Jul 2007 07:07:00 EST

Filed under: International Cycling

The Tour de France, c'est fini. The tour closed today with a whimper, not a bang, as 24 year-old Alberto Contador stayed securely in the peloton to cross the finish line in Paris as the nominal winner of what has been a scandal-plagued Tour de France 2007. Contador's individual accomplishments were meritorious enough: superb mountain stage performances, including a thrilling duel with Michael Rasmussen at the finish of stage 14. Contador ran an intelligent and ferocious race, biding his time on the flatter, more sprint-y stages and making his bones in the mountains. Events beyond his control have sadly diminished his accomplishments in sport's most grueling race.

Cadel Evans did Australia proud by finishing just 23 seconds behind Contador, and American Levi Leipheimer squeaked in just eight seconds behind Evans for third.

The controversy, not exactly fini. The fallout from the numerous high-profile doping cases exposed during the tour--most notably Alexandre Vinokourov's positive read for blood doping late in the tour--has unleashed a storm of invective from critics and the accused themselves. The Herald called their post-race analysis "a post-mortem;" the Independent called Contador's victory "hollow."

At least the International Herald Tribune kept its sense of humor, suggesting that the scandals provided entertainment for fans. Which had to be a joke. Right? Right?

And yet...a close race. Yet even with the catastrophic doping scandals, this should not be overlooked: this Tour featured a new generation of riders who, notable and openly punished exceptions aside, rode slower times than prior tours. The rule, suggests Richard Williams of the Guardian, is simple: as older "dope-generation" riders step down from the ranks, cycling will become a cleaner but slower sport.

Hard as it may be for those inside the sport to accept, standards will have to be lowered. The Tour is slower in overall terms this year, probably because fewer people are doping. Yesterday's 211km stage from Cahors to Angoulême, for instance, was ridden at an average of around 40kph, rather than the predicted 42-46kph.

The tour may not be dead...but it's definitely slowing down, a possible testament to doping standards actually working.

And the jerseys are... Alberto Contador wins the yellow jersey of the leader, as well as the white jersey for the best rider under 25. Tom Boonen takes the sprinter's green jersey for the tour, and Juan Mauricio Soler takes the polka-dotted King of the Mountains jersey. Amets Txurruka takes what we have to argue is the most fun ceremonial award of all, the "Most Aggressive Rider" award, for which he gets to wear a special number on his jersey.

Contador in Yellow: The Tour Straggles to an End originally appeared on Back Porch FanHouse on Mon, 30 Jul 2007 07:07:00 EST . Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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A Wooga Wooga Woo-gahhh: The Tour Stumbles Home

Orson Swindle — Fri, 27 Jul 2007 08:40:00 EST

Filed under: International Cycling, The Word

That's a terrible song about doping in sports, a bit of Euro-pop with a Carlos Santana guitar solo and unfortunate "A WOOGA WOOGA WOOOGAAAHHH" chorus that will stink up your brain for at least the next three hours. You're welcome.

Doping is yet again the story of the tour, prompting outrage ranging from Greg Lemond's suggestion that no one be awarded the yellow jersey this year to French papers' assessment that "Le Tour Est Mort." None of these seem to take into account the real love for the race itself and the fun surrounding 20 summer days spent rolling around the most beautiful parts of France: the tour will go on, and with the controls in place, Alberto Contador of Discovery Channel is the winner. Give the man his champagne, albeit not before testing it for synthetic testosterone and amphetamines.

The Tour, in truth, is fighting a battle against technology, particularly pharmaceutical technology. Cheating remains one step ahead of enforcement, even with the draconian standards put in place by some sports. (Take college football, where giving three cups of coffee to a player could, in theory at least, place a coach in jeopardy of a "providing an unsanctioned supplement .")

The standards will become more drastic, but the Tour's problem is the problem for all sports: as time goes on, in order to preserve the illusion of fair competition. everything from Ping-Pong to yes, even golf will have to test for an ever-evolving spread of supplements and medications. Why? Because if just one person is caught cheating, no matter the degree of infraction, the sport suffers as a whole. In an age of increasingly competitive sports with ever-growing budgets, the people bankrolling the sport simply can't afford the loss of audience.

The other option is just refusing to look. Crap on professional cycling all you like, but at least they're looking. Cycling's supplement bandits are being caught. Major league baseball's steroid warriors are deified as heroes. Think about that when Tiki-headed Barry Bonds gets a round of applause for breaking Hank Aaron's mark. If he were a cyclist, he'd be on his way back to Kazakhstan covered in shame.

A Wooga Wooga Woo-gahhh: The Tour Stumbles Home originally appeared on Back Porch FanHouse on Fri, 27 Jul 2007 08:40:00 EST . Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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The Debriefing: Just Say No ... To Drug Testing

mjd — Thu, 26 Jul 2007 09:00:00 EST

Filed under: International Cycling, The Word

The Debriefing is a column that runs every weekday at 9:00 a.m. here on FanHouse. It goes deep into one issue and then bounces around to a plethora of smaller ones ... and does it all in a way that will make you feel like the prettiest girl at the cotillion. Bookmark this page, and visit daily.

You could squeeze the entirety of my cycling knowledge into Eddie Gaedel's jock strap. The Tour de France is not a sporting event of major interest to me ... and most writers would probably see these things as good reasons not to write about the Tour.

But that's a large part of what I do here in The Debriefing ... I make bad decisions and follow through on them with the gritty determination and flamboyant panache of Johnny Weir ice dancing to Cher's Believe.

I try to check in with the results of the Tour daily, even if I don't know who the various riders are. It's a big international event, it just feels like something I should do ... even if I don't know Michael Rasmussen from Dennis Rasmussen, or Cadel Evans from Lee Evans.

But I do learn at least one new rider's name every day ... because that seems to be about the rate that they're getting picked off for doping violations.

The Tour de France seems to have a choice here. They can keep trying to clean up the sport, test the hell out of everyone in the most stringent way possible, and give us a Tour with a new "Schwinn McArmstrong Disqualified for Doping" headline every day ... or they can just forget about testing, let them dope their brains out, and we'll all just turn our heads. You can't tell me if it wouldn't be more fun that way.
It's the only course of action here. I understand that you want a clean sport, and you want a level playing field, and you don't want to set a bad example for the kids ... but you have a cast of riders that makes that impossible. They won't listen, and they won't learn. Clearly, the testing is in place, clearly, it's very stringent (maybe too stringent), and riders still haven't gotten the message. They simply are not willing to stop cheating.

It's a battle of wills between the "Let's Clean Up the Sport" group and the "Nah, I'd Rather Dope" group ... and the dopers are winning. Handily.

So you can keep having the Tour every year, and you can keep testing, and you can keep having the race itself mauled in the media by the newest doping scandal every day ... or you can just say, "screw it," stop testing for drugs, and just let the riders go nuts.

True, the sport would be regarded as a sham, and be placed into a category with things like ... oh, I don't know, the WWE, competitive blackjack, rock-paper-scissors, and cockfighting. But, and I'm sorry to have to be the one to tell you this, Tour de France people ... but it's already there.

At least this way, you could have an uninterrupted two-week race. There are no doping headlines if there are no doping tests. It's a trade-off they might want to consider.

In fact, what the hell, just go all the way with it. Embrace the dope. Separate the teams by what doping process they prefer. We'll have the Discovery EPO team, the Rabobank Blood Transfusion team, the Predictor Anabolic Steroids team, and the T-Mobile Insane Amounts of Cocaine team.

Really, if anyone's out there is still following the tour, they don't have too much of a problem with doping. It's time we take it for what it is ... and the sports world comes to terms with it's first openly and honestly dirty sport. At this point, no one's going to even notice the difference, let alone mind.

If you missed it yesterday, Tour leader Michael Rasmussen, through some sort of shame he brought upon himself and the sport, was booted entirely from the race. His own team yanked him. I'm actually not entirely clear on what he did ... for the sake of cycling, I hope it's doping-related, because 1 or 2 or 3 or 87 more doping incidents can't make that particular issue any worse. It's like punching Michael Vick's dog in the face. Not good, but at this point ... does it really matter from a PR standpoint?

An Italian rider, Cristian Moreni, had a police car waiting for him at the end of a stage yesterday, after testing positive for excess testosterone. Being arrested in the middle of a sporting event (and yes, I wish this happened more often) is a pretty good indication that you aren't going to win.

The day before that, Alexandre Vinokourov, one of the most popular riders on Tour, was sent home, along with his entire team, after he tested positive for a banned blood transfusion.

And in a protest the next day, riders from eight different teams just sat for two minutes at the beginning of the 16th stage, expressing their displeasure with ... I don't know, either poor testing policies, the fact that other riders keep cheating, or that their EPO shipments were late. Whatever the purpose, it gave them all time to transfuse each other's blood, so ... win-win.

And if you're a cycling purist, and you're about to start typing your "You don't know anything about cycling!" comment, let me save you the time ... I know this. You won't get an argument from me there.

My cycling knowledge doesn't go beyond what I did as an 11-year old on my bad-ass Huffy BMX. I was a Mountain Stage specialist ... there was a great big hill behind my neighbor Rose's house, and I used to be able to pedal all the way up it. Almost. Sometimes, I got off and pushed the bike the rest of the way up. But I still feel like I should get credit for wearing the spandex, though.

This doesn't mean I haven't gotten the occasional jolly from following the Tour in the summer. And don't get me wrong, in a perfect world, I'd like for this thing to be clean ... but what indication has there been that this could ever be possible? It's not something I'm losing sleep over, but I do believe that in the typically-desolate summer sports landscape, the Tour could theoretically provide some real sports enjoyment.

Enjoyment, actually, might be an overstatement, but through the years, I have relished a few thoughts along the lines of, "Hey, sorry, Frenchie, but America's dominating this one, too. See what you are your free universal health care get you? A nice view of Lance Armstrong (or Greg LeMond or Floyd Landis)'s narrow tushie. PRIVATIZED HEALTHCARE FOREVER, SUCKA."

I'll also cop to being a bit of a xenophobe when it comes to the Tour. Since I don't know any of the competitors, I can only root for the guys who have something I can relate to ... and since physical fitness, a strong commitment to a difficult goal, hard work, and anabolic steroids are out of my realm, it limits my options. I just go for the Americans. Simpler that way.

But with this summer's tour, no American has been laying the now-traditional USA cycling beatdown, which leaves the constant doping scandals as the only subject of interest to the American fans and media.

But the good news is that the doping scandals keep rolling in like Bengals arrests, to the point that there's at least a 50-50 chance chance that the top riders will keep getting hauled off by the cops until an American guy finds himself in the lead.

And then we'll care, right up until he gets busted.

From there, I guess the Tour would just give the yellow jersey to that guy in the picture at the top in the Lucifer costume, because he's the only human being in a 3-mile radius that doesn't actually have a syringe hanging out of his ass. And then we'll all just go back to focusing on the important things, like the Steelers training camp battle between Chukky Okobi and Sean Mahan.

It doesn't have to be like that, though. Just stop testing all together, Tour ... no one's going to know the difference. What are you worried about, the reputation of your sport? Yeah, Elijah Dukes is worried about his reputation as a loving husband and father, too.

Sure, if you take my advice and go the non-testing route, years from now, you might end up with a huge group of ex-roiders with major health problems, shrunken testicles, giant heads, and limbs falling off, as well as an entire sport that's regarded entirely as a sham ... but you're probably going to have those things anyway.

Please just stop with the misguided attempts at purity and let us enjoy this giant sham in peace.

I believe those are two male synchronized divers were are whirling about really, really, fast. That's what the caption said, anyway. But with all the blur, you can't really tell ... it's kind of like a Rorschach inkblot test. Let's play.

In the top one, I see an underdeveloped fetus ... and in the bottom, I see two hands clasped together, one black and one white, both severed at the wrist.

Brewers (56-45) Stock Up For The Stretch Run, Padres (56-46) Stock Up For 2014 ...

I'm just going to have to trust Padres GM Kevin Towers on this one. One year after shopping middle-reliever Scott Linebrink around the majors for some pretty legitimate bats, the Padres today settle for a package of minor league pitchers in return for Linebrink.

They get Class AA lefthander Will Inman, Class A righty Steve Garrison, and AAA lefty Joe Thatcher, who could join the bullen immediately.

I'm confused, for a couple of reasons:

1) Maybe Linebrink has slipped a bit, but you're still a contending team. They may not be the favorite, but the Padres have a legitimate chance of representing the National League in the World Series. This is the time to add veterans, not ship them off so you can shore up the AA roster.

2) The Padres need bats ... gigantic, hulking men who can pulverize baseballs, not minor league pitchers. They're 54-46, so I can't complain too much, I guess, but that offensive line-up is as potent as Larry King.

Maybe Linebrink's value had slipped to the point where adding a decent bat wasn't possible, but still ... there had to be something out there better than this.

My only course of action here is to defer to the knowledge of Kevin Towers, know that he's got an unbelievable track record with finding young pitchers, and trust that young Will Inman will go on to win 7 or 8 Cy Young awards.

Anonymous Hurricanes To Be As Nasty As They Wanna Be ...

Two significant changes for the Miami Hurricanes today:

1. No more names on the backs of jerseys (however, most players can still be identified by ankle bracelet).

2. Luther Campbell is back in the mix. From the Miami Herald:

Rapper Luther Campbell says he appreciates how Randy Shannon has welcomed him back to the UM family. 'Randy called the first recruiting day and said, `Luke, I want you to come down here.' And I said, 'You sure?' He said, 'Yeah.' Whatever I can do to help him out, I'm here for.''

Honestly, I don't know anything about what Luther Campbell is up to these days ... all that's happening in my head right now is a stream of old 2 Live Crew lyrics.

I can't say I'm not enjoying it. It's taking me back to the days when I had no idea what any of these things even meant. At any rate, my seven bizzos and I wish the Hurricanes a lot of luck.

(UPDATE: I'm going to have to listen to this album now. If iTunes has it, I'm buying it. Immediately.)

(UPDATE II: They do. These Nursery Rhymes are as filthy as I remember them being. GET LOOSE NOW.)

Greg Biffle Likes Dogs, Hates Due Process ...

The NASCAR driver popped off on the Michael Vick situation yesterday.

"I just wish they'd put him in jail and be done with it."

"Just put him in prison and tell the general public, just give them all the details of what they do with those dogs. How they steal people's dogs out of their front yards and use them for bait dogs and let other dogs kill them. There's all the horrifying stories. You look at all the pictures on the Internet of the dogs, just maimed, mangled. It's horrible."

No trail, no conviction, nothing like that? Yeah, those are minor details ... just put the guy in jail. Seems fair. Very American.

These comments are as silly as Emmitt Smith's "Hey, maybe the guy went to a dogfight or two" comments, but in the opposite direction. Correct me if I missed something, but I don't recall anyone taking away Michael Vick's right to a trial. That didn't happen, did it?

Listen, I get the outrage ... I really do. But take it easy there, Biff. I'm as sickened by the alleged acts as anyone else, but not to the point where I'm willing to throw the entire United States legal system away.

Fausto Carmona. It's funny how you develop loyalty to players based on fantasy teams ... especially in baseball. I don't even have Fausto this year, but I picked him up last year before anyone else in the league knew who he was ... and now, when he pitches well, I celebrate it like I'm his father.

In addition to having possibly the coolest first name in sports and my undying loyalty, Carmona locked up the Red Sox last night. He carried a no-hitter into the 5th, and finished with 4 hits allowed, six strikeouts, and 8 shutout innings.

Josh Beckett, starting opposite Carmona, actually didn't do much worse ... He went 8 innings, also gave up 4 hits, struck out 7, and allowed just 1 run. In fact, he might've only thrown one bad pitch all night ... a big fat fastball to Franklin Gutierrez that he put over the wall for the game's only run.

In the month of July, Carmona is 5-0, has a 1.57 ERA, and has not allowed a run in 18 innings. And he is named Fausto.

Christmas Day. It's only tentative at the moment, but ABC's featured NBA game on Christmas Day is scheduled to be the Cavs vs. the Heat, or the general public calls it, LeBron vs. D-Wade.

Star power, sure ... but two teams that can be absolutely brutal to watch, even with their phenomenal talents. Plus, I'd put it at about a 20% chance that LeBron, Wade, and Shaq are all healthy at the time ... I don't know. Christmas feels boring. I better get some nice stuff.

I was tired of Kobe vs. Shaq every Christmas, too, but ... Kobe somehow finds a way to never ever be boring. I'm with my FanHouse homies ... Spurs/Suns, or Suns/Mavs would've been a better call.

Deserving Of Your Full Attention ...

I don't know. Maybe you could read a book or something.

Other Stuff ...

7:00, ESPN2. MLS. Chivas USA @ New York Red Bulls.
8:00, VS. Cycling. Tour de France, Stage 17.
9:00, NBC. The Office. Phyllis' Wedding.

The Debriefing: Just Say No ... To Drug Testing originally appeared on Back Porch FanHouse on Thu, 26 Jul 2007 09:00:00 EST . Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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Michael Rasmussen Has Been Booted From the Tour

Orson Swindle — Wed, 25 Jul 2007 18:16:00 EST

Filed under: International Cycling

The Tour de France has already spit a flat tire with the booting of Alexandre Vinokourov for blood doping this week. If that was a flat tire, the entire event has just been sideswiped by a French cigarette, cheese, and foie gras delivery truck going 80 mph through a red light: Tour leader Michael Rasmussen has been withdrawn from the Tour by his team, Rabobank for lying about where he was during training sessions for the tour earlier this year. Rasmussen has also been fired from the team completely.

Comments by Italian television commentator Davide Cassani prompted the move. Cassani said he had seen Rasmussen in the Dolomites in Italy during a stretch this June; Rasmussen had told Rabobank he was training in Mexico at the time. The fuss over where he was is more substantial than it may seem, since Rasmussen is already riding with the pall of an Olympic and Danish national cycling ban over his sketchy reporting of his training methods that many equate with blood doping and illegal supplement use.

The move may also be a preventative one for Rabobank. If they caught wind of impending trouble heading his way, Rabobank would be associated with yet another tainted Tour winner. (Rasmussen was in the yellow jersey as of today.) The team cuts ties now and saves shame in the long run if that's the thinking.

The yellow jersey now goes to Discovery Channel's Alberto Contador, who rides with the rest of the peloton in stage 17 of the tour tomorrow. That's assuming a lot--at this rate, the race may by won by whoever keeps their urine and blood clean for remaining four stages.

Michael Rasmussen Has Been Booted From the Tour originally appeared on Back Porch FanHouse on Wed, 25 Jul 2007 18:16:00 EST . Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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Tour de France, Stage 16: That's One Fast Danish

Orson Swindle — Wed, 25 Jul 2007 13:14:00 EST

Filed under: International Cycling

Today's Tour de France Update is brought you without the aid of synthetic testosterone. We swear that we are writing this using only our own blood, and not someone else's pumped into our veins.

The Tour shambled on today in spite of the withdrawal of the Astana team. Astana pulled their whole contingent after they were "invited to leave" the race in the wake of Alexandre Vinokourov's positive test for blood doping. This year's scandal has sponsors thinking about dropping sponsorships with the team and writers clucking over the ruination of a potentially courageous performance by a rider working through pain.

Blood? Never heard of it. Vinokourov, of course, denies everything.

Great. Dane. Michael Rasmussen continued to push his overall lead by outlasting some quality strategy on the part of the Discovery Channel team and blowing away Levi Leipheimer and Alberto Contador for the stage win in the last kilometer of the stage. Discovery riders savagely attacked Rasmussen all day, but the Dane would not crack, outlasting the harassment and staking a 3:10 lead on the field.

Colombian King? One should not ignore, scandals be damned, the vicious riding of Juan Maricio Soler, the Colombian wearing the King of the Mountains jersey for the tour. Soler rides ugly, as Phil Liggett is fond of pointing out, but he is an unabashed terror on climbs, crushing gears to powder through the mountains. He's also only 24, meaning he will and should be a serious contender in Tours to come.

Bombs. Meh. Two small bombs did explode today on the Spanish section of the course. The riders had already passed by, and there were no injuries. Basque separatist group ETA claimed responsibility. Being European, they said "So what" and have kept the race going.

Tour de France, Stage 16: That's One Fast Danish originally appeared on Back Porch FanHouse on Wed, 25 Jul 2007 13:14:00 EST . Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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Are Any Of These Guys Clean?

Nathan Fowler — Wed, 25 Jul 2007 09:20:00 EST

Filed under: International Cycling

Most Americans are aware that pro cycling took yet another severe credibility hit when the Floyd Landis scandal broke after the 2006 Tour de France. That was far from the most damaging scandal in cycling in 2006 though, as Operation Puerto in Spain recovered more than 1000 doses of anabolic steroids and over 100 packets of blood products - a veritable performance enhancing factory. Many of the biggest names in cycling were implicated, including superstars like Ivan Basso and Jan Ullrich, decimating the field of the 2006 Tour de France before it even began. Puerto has been front page news all over Europe for the better part of the past year, and has done nothing but further the perception that the peleton is more of a rolling laboratory than a collection of athletes. With important sponsors such as T-Mobile and Liberty Seguros bailing out and the financial future of the sport in serious danger, even tougher anti-doping measures were put in place and promises were made that the doping culture that pervades cycling was going to be eliminated. 2007 was going to be a new year, a year that would show off the tremendous collection of new young talent in the the pro ranks and put a fresh (and clean) face on cycling.

Instead, 2007 has seen nothing but a continuation of the bad news from 2006. More cyclists either admitted to doping or were caught doping. The bad news continued to pile up. Great races during the classics season and the Giro d'Italia were seemingly buried under a continual storm of allegations, confessions and positive tests in the press. The final blow came not long before the 2007 Tour de France when 5 former Telekom riders confessed to past doping. This included stars Jorge Jaksche and Erik Zabel, as well as former TdF winner and Team CSC owner and coach Bjarne Riis. Along with the arrest of Liberty Seguros director Manolo Saiz in 2006, this made it two of the biggest directeur sportifs in cycling who had been directly tied to systematic doping in the past year. It was as if Lou Piniella and Bobby Cox were tied to steroid rings being run in their team clubhouses, and has made it impossible for cycling to pretend that the doped up riders were just renegades breaking rules on their own.
All of this has contributed to make the 2007 edition of the Tour de France one of the most important races in years, a chance for cycling to show that the past 12 months had been a blood letting of sorts, a necessary cleansing of the ranks and airing of laundry that would lead to clean riders in the future. The International Cycling Union (UCI) and the Amaury Sport Organisation (ASO), the Tour de France organizers, took tremendous, and some have said desperate, measures to insure that the public image had faith in a clean peleton. All of this seemed to have worked early in the tour as the race was unpredictable, entertaining and competitive. The cloud of doping had not been lifted, but at least people were talking about the racing for the first time in a while. There was hope that pro cycling was finally slowly crawling out of the EPO induced haze it had been floundering in.

Instead, today's news that race favorite and multiple stage winner Alexander Vinokourov has tested positive for homologous blood transfusions has shattered whatever little ray of hope that was starting to peek through. Despite all the testing, despite all the investigations, despite the police raids, despite the draconian testing practices ... one of the very biggest stars in the sport was still pumping someone else's blood into his system to artificially increase his capacity for carrying oxygen. And to be clear, this isn't Barry Bonds rubbing some cream on himself, blood doping of the type 'Vino' tested positive for is a potentially lethal medical process that requires systematic medical attention to perform.

Where does cycling go from here? I really don't know. The culture of doping has so deeply penetrated the entire cycling community that I am not sure that anyone associated with a professional team over the past 10-15 years can be trusted. The UCI has established testing procedures that US athletic unions would meltdown over if they were even discussed. Can you imagine Bug Selig getting the MLBPA agree to force every baseball player to notify MLB of their wherabouts on a continual basis (even when on vacation) so they could be subjected to random testing at any time? Yet that's what cycling has in place. European police have far greater freedom to randomly search doctors, riders and team managers and their homes than you would ever see here in the States. In the face of all this testing and even with the constant threat of law enforcement hanging over their heads, riders, teams and their doctors are still performing complex and systematic doping procedures.

Fans like myself have to face the facts that this sport is just rotten to it's core and that it might almost require a complete failure of the system to rebuild properly. Some (such as the excellent Podium Cafe) are holding out hope that as the "doping generation" of the mid to late 90's continues to age it's way out of the sport we will see a generation of young clean riders take their place. While I admire the optimism, I still find it hard to believe that young riders coming up into such a pervasive culture of doping as obviously exists will somehow manage to keep clear of the needles and transfusions. What I do know is that I'm one of the biggest cycling fans you will find and my faith in the sport is badly shaken. I can't imagine what the average fan thinks, outside of "oh, they all dope - what a joke of a sport".

Scottish rider and former convicted doper David Millar might have said it best today when he was asked about Vino's positive test and answered, "Given what we have done, with our current situation, we may as well pack our bags and go home". He later modified that statement and commented that the Tour should continue, but he's not alone in feeling that way tonight. If this sport can't keep it's premier race clean in a year where it desperately needed something scandal free to celebrate, then maybe it is time to pack up and go home.

Are Any Of These Guys Clean? originally appeared on Back Porch FanHouse on Wed, 25 Jul 2007 09:20:00 EST . Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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Vinokourov's Comeback, Sponsored By Blood Doping

Orson Swindle — Tue, 24 Jul 2007 13:06:00 EST

Filed under: International Cycling, The Word

Do not fall out of your chairs when reading this, but Alexandre Vinokourov, the prerace favorite to win the Tour de France who enjoyed a massive comeback in winning two stages over the last three days, may have done so with his veins pumping someone else's blood.

From the Beeb:

Pre-race favourite Alexandre Vinokourov tested positive for blood doping after winning Saturday's stage of the Tour de France, his Astana team have announced.

Vinokourov had been injured in a fall in stage four of the Tour and had lagged behind badly going into this weekend's time trial and the final mountain stages in the Pyrenees. Vinokourov then suddenly found a zip in his pedals he hadn't had in previous stages, winning two of the last three stages in impressive form. The test results show that Vinokourov received a transfusion immediately before Saturday's stage, meaning his blood vessels were stuffed with oxygen-carrying red blood cells from a compatible donor.

So what could have been the best feel-good story of the tour yet goes sour again with the taste of a doping scandal ruining the whole dish. And it may not be done yet. Tour leader Michael Rasmussen remains under suspicion of involvement in doping, so much so that the Danish National Cycling Union dropped him from the team for some suspicious absences earlier this year. The pharmaceutical fun could just be beginning.

Vinokourov's Comeback, Sponsored By Blood Doping originally appeared on Back Porch FanHouse on Tue, 24 Jul 2007 13:06:00 EST . Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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Tour de France: Stage 14 Bickering Leads to Thrilling Finish

Orson Swindle — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 10:59:00 EST

Filed under: International Cycling

The Tour de France has returned to the mountains, and has done so in thrilling fashion. The first mountain stage through the Pyrenees on Sunday featured extremely festive Franco-Spanish fans at their most raucous, an actual bickering session between two riders toward the end of a grueling climb, and a thrilling sprint finish:

Alberto Contador and Michael Rasmussen's sprint to the finish followed a shapeless, disordered charge up the Plateau-de-Beille by no fewer than four groups of riders doing everything they could to ensure zero cooperation between riders. Riders took turns charging and cracking until only two riders remained at the fore: Contador and Rasmussen, whose idea of teamwork became clear when the two actually got into a heated discussion while pedalling up the final stretch of the climb, something we mortals couldn't do on a treadmill set on "weight management" settings.

Contador pulled out the win on the final sprint, an exciting coda which still did little to shuffle the overall standings. Rasmussen stays in yellow through today's Stage 15, another Pyrenees mountain grind. Today could theoretically jumble the standings, but the pattern has been clear to this point in the Tour: no one's taking absolute control of the race, meaning that the contest could actually render the usually ceremonial final stage through Paris a relevant and very serious piece of riding, potentially. Then again, Rasmussen could throttle the next two mountain stages and make this bit of conjecture completely false in the next 48 hours. More to come...

Tour de France: Stage 14 Bickering Leads to Thrilling Finish originally appeared on Back Porch FanHouse on Mon, 23 Jul 2007 10:59:00 EST . Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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Tour de France, Stage 12: Lightning Pace, Clouds of Suspicion

Orson Swindle — Fri, 20 Jul 2007 17:52:00 EST

Filed under: International Cycling

It wouldn't be a post-millenial Tour de France without the overall leader riding under a cloud of doping suspicion and spending the post-race denying things to suspicious reporters. Fortunately, that has already been taken care of thanks to some dark, dopey clouds swirling around current Tour leader Michael Rasmussen. The straight dope about Stage 12 follows, including your lanterne rouge update on who the last rider in the competition is after today's work.

Tom Boonen is the quickest Belgian since Hercule Poirot. Boonen, the leader for the sprinter's green jersey, missed competing seriously in yesterday's helter-skelter run as he was caught up in nasty crash 500 yards short of the finish line. Boonen caught no traffic today as he timed his sprint well and claimed a solid grip on the sprinter's championship, finishing the 111 mile course in a blistering 4 hours, 25 minutes and 32 seconds. You can now name two famous Belgians besides Jean-Claude Van Damme. You're welcome.

Your Doping Allegation Of the Week. Current leader Michael Rasmussen is eligible for the Tour, but cannot compete in September's world titles or in the Beijing Olympic Games, according to a ruling handed down by the International Cycling Union.

The suspensions are a reaction to Rasmussen's refusal to report his training schedule to the ICU over a three month span leading up to the Tour, according to the Sydney Morning-Herald. The reason for the rule? If regular doping tests cannot be performed by officials, then the absences of three months or longer are considered to be automatic doping violations.

Rasumussen claims that there's "somebody at the top who doesn't wish him well." Well, actually...

There's Someone In Colorado Who Doesn't Wish You Well, Michael Rasmussen. Former co-rider of Rasmussen Whitney Richards claimed Rasmussen attempted to turn him into an unwitting drug mule prior to a flight from the United States to Europe in 2002. Richards claimed Rasmussen asked him to grab a box of shoes for him; when he opened it, the box contained not shoes but instead packets of an American-made blood substitute. When Richards arrived and told Rasmussen he'd thrown the illegal supplement away, Rasmussen was allegedly furious.

"The nerve of the guy," Richards added. "Not only is he a drug cheat, but he didn't give a damn about anybody else. He was willing to put me out there to carry that crap through customs ... into Italy at a time when they were investigating Dr. [Michele] Ferrari and people were lobbing accusations at Lance Armstrong. Think about what it would have been like for Italian customs to catch an American with a bunch of bike gear and cow's blood at the border."

Richards claimed Rasumussen's remarks that fans could "trust me" regarding doping.

Your New Lanterne Rouge Holder Is...Dutchman Wim Vansevenant, who is an hour and fifty-seven seconds behind the leader at this point. Anyone accusing him of doping wouldn't be sullying Wim's name, but rather debasing the drug-prescribing skills of a shady doctor and somewhere in the world.

Tour de France, Stage 12: Lightning Pace, Clouds of Suspicion originally appeared on Back Porch FanHouse on Fri, 20 Jul 2007 17:52:00 EST . Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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Tour de France, Stage Eleven: Pure, Nasty Speed

Orson Swindle — Thu, 19 Jul 2007 17:01:00 EST

Filed under: International Cycling

Stage Eleven of the Tour covers the flat ground between Marseilles and Montpelier, which translates to "Nude Hill" in French. The name could be appropriate only if you're referring to pure, naked speed, or the clothes flying off the riders, since the sprinters seized control of the flattest stage on the whole tour and tore through the 117 mile stage at a rate of exactly 29.86 mph on the course.

South Africa, Stand Up. Robert Hunter became the first South African rider ever to win a Tour stage, outlasting a crew of contenders to win the second stage of the tour for the surprising Barloworld team, who also claimed a stage when mountain goat Soler took Stage Nine in the Alps. Hunter fought to the line with a well-timed sprint and a little luck, escaping a massive crash 500 meters short of the finish line. (No video yet, but we love us some good cycling crashes without serious injury. Will have shortly.)

Team Astana Attacks. Team Astana wrote one of the biggest headlines of the day with a 12-cylinder assault off the peloton, breaking free completely and burying Christophe Moreau well back in the main group. Astana's concerted effort pushed the speed up to a tour high today, and helped keep their strongest rider at the moment, Andreas Kloden, safe and sound in the top ten.

Who Says Bikes Are Dangerous? A car carrying Reuters photographers caught fire along the race route, forcing the photogs inside to scramble for safety. The heat couldn't have helped things--the temperature at race time was in the high 90s, and with high winds along the route the stage had to feel like one huge convection oven for the riders.

And While People Crashed Like Crazy... we're happy to report no adorable yellow puppies were harmed in the production of today's Tour de France.

Tour de France, Stage Eleven: Pure, Nasty Speed originally appeared on Back Porch FanHouse on Thu, 19 Jul 2007 17:01:00 EST . Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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Tour de France, Stage Ten: France Is So Now

Orson Swindle — Wed, 18 Jul 2007 17:53:00 EST

Filed under: International Cycling

Champagne for everyone! Were there anyone left in Paris to celebrate, the streets would be running red with fine wine in celebration of 36 year-old Frenchman Cedric Vasseur's win in Stage Ten of the Tour de France. France happens to be on their national vacation, just a sliver of the nine thousand days a year of vacation they get in exchange for their 35 hour work weeks.

(It's not ridicule you're sensing--it's pure, angry jealousy from a fat imperialist American with ten vacation days a year spent driving back and forth to family holidays in lousy weather. We proceed.)

So they had to celebrate not in the hot streets of Paris, but on the beaches of Nice and Marseilles, which conveniently enough is where today's stage finished. Out of the mountains and back on the relative flats, the dynamics of the tour again flip-flopped as climbers rode in the peloton and let the sprinters do the majority of the work today.

A breakaway group of 11 riders dominated the race for much of the rolling route, but a seemingly premature sprint by Vasseur from just about 300 yards out seemed to stun the group into submission at the finish; they never properly recovered, and Vasseur finished a wheel ahead of Sandy Casar. The move gave France a hero for the day and an excuse to drink some extra Rosé Bollinger tonight.

Tomorrow's Stage 11 will consist of a leisurely 113 mile dead-sprint across the coast from Marseilles to Montpelier, a "classic transition" stage where not much will happen that doesn't involve the sprinters playing chicken and daring each other to break away from the pack. Please, Tour fans, remember to secure your dogs along the way. They're hazardous to expensive bike tires.

Tour de France, Stage Ten: France Is So Now originally appeared on Back Porch FanHouse on Wed, 18 Jul 2007 17:53:00 EST . Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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You Had a Bad Day: Cyclists Hit Dog, Tests Positive

Orson Swindle — Wed, 18 Jul 2007 15:17:00 EST

Filed under: International Cycling

You had a bad day, Marcus Burghardt. That's what happens when you careen into a cute but clueless dog during Stage Nine of the Tour de France.

The wheels, allegedly $5,500 Lightweight Obermeyers, sadly died at the scene. Fortunately, Marcus and lovable, aimless puppy were both injury-free and doing fine post-accident.

The same cannot be said of the public image of cycling as a whole, mostly thanks to the ongoing shadow of doping over the sport. The first reminder from the Tour came today with T-Mobile rider Patrik Sinkewitz's positive test for elevated levels of testosterone, a result that had two major German television stations protesting by ceasing to cover the event at all and canceling their coverage completely.

Sinkewitz has been suspended from the team, and could have to give back his salary if his 'B-sample' confirms the presence of abnormal amounts of testosterone in his body.

You Had a Bad Day: Cyclists Hit Dog, Tests Positive originally appeared on Back Porch FanHouse on Wed, 18 Jul 2007 15:17:00 EST . Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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Tour de France, Stage 7 and 8: Pain, More Pain, and Borat

Orson Swindle — Mon, 16 Jul 2007 07:00:00 EST

Filed under: International Cycling, The Word

This weekend marked the point at which the Tour de France went from happy sprinting through pastoral French countryside to grueling, nausea-inducing climbs through the Alps. The sprinters (including early leader Fabian Cancellera) have fallen away, the body count is mounting, and the contenders have ended up all over the map in an anarchic spin through the mountains.

Tres Formidable: Stage 7 on Saturday featured the 24 year old German Linus Gerdemann burning through a set of fresh lungs on his way to destroying the field in the climb up the Col de la Colombiere. The T-Mobile junior rider launched into a tear up the climb that did not subside until Gerdemann had not only the stage victory, but a claim on the yellow jersey of the leader, as well. Gerdemann rode most of way completely unaided by any team member and had no serious competition at any point--the rest of the field seemed content to hang back and watch a young rider make a rash but thrilling run early in the Tour.

This, understandably, has the German announcers sounding REALLY excited.

Phil says: Phil Liggett, one of the best commentators in any sport and a man with a unequalled satchel of phrases at his disposal, pulled out a choice piece of verbiage in describing the white crust of dried spittle around Gerdemann's as "a case of rabies." Phil also says that Gerdemann will be feeling the pain the next day in the second stage, but boy howdy wasn't he fun for now.

Phil knows what he's talking about: Gerdemann held the yellow jersey overnight only, though, clearly exhibiting his fatigue on the long climbs of day two and remaining ensconced comfortably in the peloton. The second day in the mountains broke into near anarchy almost immediately, with a breakaway group led by self-described "pure climber" Michael Rasmussen putting a five minute cushion between themselves and the peloton.

Plus Formidable, Monsieur Rasmussen : Matters grew even more chaotic as the stage unfolded. Rasmussen put on the second virtuoso performance by a rider in the Alps, blowing doors (spokes?) on the breakaway group and setting a pace no other rider dared to sustain for long. The intrigue did not end there, however--the breakaway group jostled for position endlessly throughout the race, with veteran riders Iban Mayo and Christophe Moreau engaging in uncooperative zigging and zagging along with Alejandro Valverde in spatting that had LIggett and company clucking their tongues like schoolmarms.

The juvenile refusal to work together didn't hurt much--all three finished in the top five and made significant gains on the day in the overall standings. Take that, altruism!

Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Veh...Being Australian was its own curse this weekend on the Tour. Michael Rogers, who at one point in stage eight was in the lead group and the time leader for the race, quit the Tour following a crash on a descent that left him with a separated shoulder. Rogers drifted backwards through traffic until he slowed, put his head down, and broke down in tears of disappointment.

Stuart O'Grady fared even worse in Stage Eight. O'Grady was airlifted to a nearby hospital following another crash on descent, breaking five ribs in his chest, three in his back, puncturing his lung, and fracturing his shoulder. O'Grady was another strong rider for the Aussies, having won the Paris-Robaix road race earlier this year.

Robbie McEwen, perhaps sensing the wave of misfortune striking anyone from his nation, perhaps wisely opted not to make the mandatory qualifying time today, and was dropped from the race.

Great Success! Sort of...Kazakh rider and pre-race favorite Alexandre Vinokourov managed to hold on to 22nd position through eight stages thus far despite injuries to his knees. Vinokourov made a late push led by teammate and fellow walking wounded Andreas Kloden, who is pushing along with a fractured tailbone. At one point, the Kazakh rider was saluted by an admiring fan roadside who, dressed like Borat complete with yellow overall bikini and mustache, ran with the team holding the blue and yellow flag of Kazakhstan.

Tour de France, Stage 7 and 8: Pain, More Pain, and Borat originally appeared on Back Porch FanHouse on Mon, 16 Jul 2007 07:00:00 EST . Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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Tour de France, Stage Six: Boonen Busts Way to Win

Orson Swindle — Fri, 13 Jul 2007 15:35:00 EST

Filed under: International Cycling

First things first: Tom Boonen, the Belgian sprinter, won today's sixth stage of the Tour de France with a long, well-timed sprint at the end of the stage in what the Tour de France blog called "an all-hands sprint" to the finish.

The flattish sixth stage, though, should be noted not just for the finely timed winning effort by Boonen, but for the epic and doomed mad dash made by British rider Bradley Wiggins away from the peloton. Wiggins rocketed out to a tremendous lead--at one point taking a tire break and still pedaling away with a five minute lead--but was ultimately reeled over the grind of the stage in by a patient, calculating crew of riders who then set the stage for the final push.

Another developing story surrounds the injuries to prerace faves Andreas Kloden and Alexandre Vinokourov. After overnight hospital visits for both, Kloden leads in the injury severity race, at least, suffering from a hairline fracture of his tailbone. Kloden can't even stand up in the saddle due to the pain, though he has no plans of withdrawing from the race. Vinokourov has numerous stitches, but seems to be fine for the long haul. Both stuck to the back of the pack today, testing out their injuries and resting up for Saturday's first Alpine stage.

Fabian Cancellara holds on to the yellow jersey for the moment, though the sprinter will all but certainly cede his lead with the mountains coming up next. The rouge lanterne holder for the fifth stage has dropped out, leaving the auspicious title of last rider open for the moment.

Tour de France, Stage Six: Boonen Busts Way to Win originally appeared on Back Porch FanHouse on Fri, 13 Jul 2007 15:35:00 EST . Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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The Devil Loves the Tour de France

Orson Swindle — Fri, 13 Jul 2007 00:36:00 EST

Filed under: International Cycling

The Devil does love the Tour de France, and contrary to rumor, is a very nice guy, actually. Didi the Devil is the alias of Didi Senft, a cycling fan whose unrivalled passion for the sport compels him to don a full devil outfit--complete with shiny metal fork--and attend professional cycling events across Europe.

Denft gave a superb interview to Pez Cycling in 2004, and revealed this much about himself:

He created the costume in 1993 because "there was something missing among the fans" in cycling. Namely, a bearded German with a devil costume on.
Built the Guinness Book of World Records "World's Largest Bike" for fun.
Has over 20 different forks for his outfit, including a plastic one for particularly tight airport security
Runs after riders, paints pitchforks on the road, and generally acts like the lovable lunatic he probably actually is.

So tune into Versus' coverage of the event for one of the funniest and most dada sites you'll see in all of sports: Didi chasing the riders through stages, pitchfork in hand. After just one viewing, you'll agree that all sports need fake devil mascots with sparkling accessories or we'll refund you in FanHouse pesos at no charge to you. (Cash value= zero, of course. But it's a promise, friend!)

The Devil Loves the Tour de France originally appeared on Back Porch FanHouse on Fri, 13 Jul 2007 00:36:00 EST . Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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Injuries Mount Following Fifth Stage of Tour de France

Orson Swindle — Thu, 12 Jul 2007 15:35:00 EST

Filed under: International Cycling

The Tour de France has gotten off to a particularly grueling start, with two major crashes in the first five stages. The biggest casualty thus far is Andreas Kloden, or more specifically, his ass. Kloden is described as "doubtful" by his team following a crash during stage 5 that fractured his coccyx, more colloquially known as your "ass bone."

Powerful Kazakh climber Alexandre Vinokourov--whose potassium is much better than Uzbekistan's--has no such ass-related misfortune, but did suffer an "incident" that may have seriously injured his knee, hip, or some other body part below the waist that helps to have when you're trying to pedal a bike at 30 mph up a hill. Vinokourov will likely continue, since as his manager says, he's "a warrior."

Kloden, a veteran enjoying a good Tour to this point, may be out for the tour, but he has the night to rest and see the medical staff for evaluation. Overall, the fifth stage saw massive reshuffling of the rankings with Filippo Pozzata winning the stage after a series of climbs that saw the sprinters lose ground to the hill monster-types. One thing did not change, much to the surprise of onlookers: Fabian Cancellera retains the maillot jaune for the stage, something unlikely to change in the two largely flat stages preceding Saturday's first stage in the Alps.

Also changing: the lanterne rouge, the hilariously titled mock-award for the last rider in the Tour, currently hangs on the handlebars of Geoffroy Lequatre, a rider who sits 45 minutes back of the lead following a crash in Stage 5. Don't laugh too hard, however: as the website reminds us, even with the last place rider "you couldn't hang on his back wheel for thirty seconds."

Injuries Mount Following Fifth Stage of Tour de France originally appeared on Back Porch FanHouse on Thu, 12 Jul 2007 15:35:00 EST . Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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Tour de France, Stage 2: Riders Engage in Group Asphalt Hug

Orson Swindle — Tue, 10 Jul 2007 13:34:00 EST

Filed under: International Cycling

Results, schmresults: the Tour de France's first massive crash occurs at 2:18 or so in the clip below. Enjoy without too much shame, as no one was seriously hurt.

Your evil, mayhem-craving souls satisfied, we can now move on to the actual results of the stages. Stage Two, the first continental stage following the Tour's opening stage in London, ended up in a sprint through Belgium won by the local hero Belgian Gert Steegmans. Steegmans was one of only thirty or so riders to survive the pile-up seen above, and won a classic early stage lung-burner to the finish line to please the locals. Tasty waffles for all!

Stage Three concluded earlier today, dipping back into France with current race leader Fabian Cancellera escaping the grips of the peloton with a late surge across the cobblestones for victory in Compeigne. At this extremely early stage in the Tour, Cancellara claims a 33 second lead over Andreas Kloden. A 33 second lead at stage 3 and seven dollars will get you a coffee and croissant in the Marais, but Cancellera's early performance has been impressive.

Tour de France, Stage 2: Riders Engage in Group Asphalt Hug originally appeared on Back Porch FanHouse on Tue, 10 Jul 2007 13:34:00 EST . Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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