Back Porch Sports Media

Comedy Central and The Onion have long dominated their respective venues in terms of satirizing the tar out of the general news. There has been, however, a distinctively awkward void in the world of sports -- Versus attempted to fill this with their production of "Sports Soup" but when the best moment of that show includes Brandon Marshall hosting, well, it's pretty much doomed.

But it seems as if the humorous basic cable take on sports that we have all pined longingly for is about to emerge: CC and The Onion are joining forces to create a show. And, yeah, if you didn't just scream, "HOLY YES!" then you're a total, well, um, something.

Stephen Colbert announced -- in case you missed it or thought it was fake like his Republican-y shtick-- on Monday night that Colbert Nation would become the new primary sponsor of the US speedskating team for the Winter Olympics.

Colbert jumped in because, as is happening all over the country, the former main sponsor for the speedskating team, DSB Bank NV, a bank of sorts, had to back out of their sponsorship. (Oddly, banks aren't doing well right now in this fantastic financial time.)

But you know who apparently is doing well? Colbert Nation -- Stephen announced on Tuesday night's show that, despite Canadian hackers allegedly going after the donation link, on the first evening of sponsorship, his viewers had raised over $40,000 (!!) to back up the speedskating team. Moving picture happy funtime after the jump.

CBS sportscaster Jim Nantz has been ordered to pay alimony and child support totaling nearly $1 million a year in a divorce case that the judge ruled was the fault of neither Nantz nor his wife of 26 years, Lorrie.

Is it all the rage to make silly comments in the announcing booth these days? Because, between Bob Griese's taco pop and what Gus Johnson dropped on Sunday, well, it sure seems like announcers are becoming less aware of what they say these days.

Oh, you didn't hear what Gus dropped as Tennessee's Chris Johnson was ripping off a long touchdown run? How about: "First down and 10. Johnson ... gets his shoulders square! Watch out! He's got gettin' away from the cops speed! Touchdown!" Emphasis there was mine (as much as it can be with Mr. Johnson, anyway) and sure, he's got a pretty good reason to think that CJ might be running from the cops -- after all, the Titans running back did attend ECU (I kid, I kid). But my pro-Wolfpack biases aside, if Gus happens to be -- as Brian Powell pointed out -- say, Jim Nantz, this probably doesn't go over quite as well.

Vid after the jump, natch.

Bill Simmons is becoming like Brett Favre in the sense that ESPN is shoving him down our throats.

(Except in Simmons' case, it's for his new book, not for his annual coming-out-of-retirement announcement. Unlike Simmons, however, Favre doesn't block random bloggers from following his Twitter account. Moving on...)

And last night he landed on the Colbert Report to talk about his new 700-page basketball book with the world's favorite "fundit."

What resulted was a pretty fantastic interview, particularly when you consider that Simmons managed to stop Colbert in his Air-Bud-mentioning tracks with an "I've got two pages comparing Teen Wolf to Kobe Bryant" line. You could even tell that Colbert was asking if that was real as they cut away, and he somehow managed to let the interview run long, which almost never happens.

NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell was on the Hill Wednesday talking to Congress about "Legal Issues Relating to Football Head Injuries." So, naturally, Rep. Steve King (R-Iowa) used the forum as an opportunity to grill Goodell about Rush Limbaugh's interest in becoming part owner of the St. Louis Rams.

Video after the jump, but here's all you need to know: After King warmly welcomed the commissioner he got right down to business.

In case you've had your head under a rock the last couple weeks, ESPN columnist Bill Simmons has a new book out. The Book of Basketball is some 700 pages, which makes it quite a large (and expensive) read.

Since this is kind of a big deal for Simmons, he's been all over the place promoting the book. Besides his tour and an bit with Kenny Mayne that Mike Francesa didn't like, Simmons also stopped by ESPN2's SportsNation Wednesday afternoon. It was there that his book was put through a rather, um, unique test.

This Sunday, Brett Favre returns to Lambeau Field for the first time as a member of the Vikings. For many (read: all) Packers fans, this will be a bit of a tough pill to swallow. However, 105.7 WAPL (The Rockin' Apple, y'all!) in Green Bay would just as soon not deal with "emotions" or "reality."

Instead, they're just going to "kill" Favre.

WASHINGTON -- No one covers book signings. There is probably a reason for this. But with the second Bill Simmons book tour commencing in Washington on Monday, it seemed like a good enough idea. At the least, 15-year-old, Page 2-gobbling me would be quite delighted.

I called a friend of mine to inform him of my ever-bloggable plan. "You mean like Deadspin did for his first tour?" came the reply. Pause. Google search. Well, then.

Despite this inauspicious start, I buckled up and headed out with another buddy. The Sports Guy was waiting.

ESPN.com's Bill Simmons is currently on his book tour (more on that here), but on Monday, he and his Beverly Hills mansion were featured on "Mayne Street."

Kenny Mayne has made a career out of his deadpanned quirkiness. That, along with the fact that Simmons doesn't have much of an acting resume, figured to make for an uncomfortable four or five minutes that included me wincing as Simmons stumbled through his lines while Mayne got all the laughs.

Didn't happen. In fact, Simmons stole the episode. Jenn with two n's, the Doug Christie Clippers jersey, Stacy Keibler calling Mayne "Lenny", business associate Scott -- all hilarious. Well, to everybody but Mike Francesa, who was railing about Simmons' performance on his radio show.

(UPDATE: "Mayne Street" segment, Francesa's comments,and Simmons' response all after the jump.)