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Rebuilding the Cleveland Browns: Better, Stronger, Faster


The Browns returned to Cleveland in 1999, but they have been a perennial expansion team ever since. For some reason, 2009 seems worse than previous seasons. Maybe it's Eric Mangini's blinding incompetence, or the fact that Brady Quinn is to the quarterback position what JaMarcus Russell is to the quarterback position.

Whatever, the organization that continually strives for mediocrity continues to fall woefully short. Which is why we've decided to distract ourselves from the putridity by creating a roster of non-football-playing professional athletes who would immediately make the Browns better. That's not hyperbole.

Hauscast Talks NFL With Cowboy Lifer Daryl 'Moose' Johnston

The FanHouse Podcast: Because bloggers are much sexier on the phone.

Daryl Johnston played his entire NFL career with the Dallas Cowboys, and he currently covers the NFC for Fox on Sundays. So who better to talk to about the current state of the NFC and the Cowboys' place in it?

Thanks to the kind folks at MasterCard, FanHouse got a chance get Moose on the horn and we asked him about the Cowboys' decision to go "team-first," whether the NFC West has any redeeming qualities, if the Saints and Colts can really go undefeated, and who he likes in the Super Bowl. And finally (hey, we have to pay bills, too): how you can score your own Dallas Cowboys credit card

Pictures and podcast after the jump.

Obama, NFL Players Take on Kids in Tag Football Game at White House

Under the guise of the United We Serve initiative, President Barack Obama teamed up with Drew Brees, Troy Polamalu and DeMarcus Ware to school a bunch of kids in tag football on the White House's South Lawn. All in the name of stressing the importance of fitness for America's youth.

Via the press release: "In support of NFL PLAY 60, all Thanksgiving weekend games will raise awareness of the childhood obesity epidemic and showcase the NFL and its clubs' commitment to help reverse this trend."

Hey, sometimes sedentary, preteen gamers need a little tough love when it comes to actually getting outside long enough to break a sweat. Or maybe I'm overselling it a bit. Slow-motion, NFL Films-inspired video of the 90-second public service announcement after the jump:

Maurice Jones-Drew Now Using Fantasy Football to Lure Fans to Jags Games

The Jaguars have always had trouble convincing people to attend games in person. Blackouts are a Sunday staple in Jacksonville, and owner Wayne Weaver has taken to throwing tarps over sections of the upper deck, MLS style, to make the stadium look less empty.

A group of local business folks calling themselves Touchdown Jacksonville are working to reinvigorate an apathetic fan base. The short-term plan is to pack the house for the Dec. 17 game against the Colts (they're calling it ... "Ultimate TEALgate"!), and running back Maurice Jones-Drew is helping with the recruitment effort. "As a team, we're enjoying the moment, and we want the city to enjoy it with us," Jones-Drew said. "If you guys are having a great time, I promise I'll have a great time. I'm going to dance and sing."

Hauscast Talks to NFL Great Jerry Rice

The FanHouse Podcast: Because bloggers are much sexier on the phone.

Jerry Rice needs no introduction, but I'll give him one anyway: the guy was a decent NFL wide receiver over his 21-year career, winning multiple Super Bowls and setting a few records en route to becoming the G.O.A.T.

So, when the kind folks at Gillette offered FanHouse the chance to speak with Rice, we jumped at the opportunity. We got his thoughts on the state of the 49ers and Raiders, and specifically their new rookie wideouts, Michael Crabtree and Darius Heyward-Bey.

Talking after the jump.

Even Iraqi Detainees Are Clowning Packers Fans About Brett Favre


More proof that Brett Favre is everywhere: detainees at a Wisconsin National Guard camp in Iraq are invoking his name solely to get a rise out of the Green Bay Packers-supporting soldiers.

Even in war, Favre is a nuisance. WTMJ reports:

The Definitive Guide to Bats**t Crazy NFL Owners, 2009 Edition

(Click to enlarge the image. No, no. Go on -- click it. It won't bite.)


Jeremy Shockey Is Unimpressed With LeBron James, NFL Player

Not sure Jeremy Shockey should be the final arbiter of who's fit to play in the NFL and who isn't, but he took to Twitter to explain to all the football simpletons that LeBron James couldn't cut it. Just in case that wasn't obvious from the outset.


The thing is, after James made the comments, and Browns head coach Eric Mangini offered a "come on down," some people figured all that was left to do was sign the contract and get him fitted for a a uniform. Not sure how it got to that point, but thankfully, Shockey, who came out of retirement this season to resume his career (Wait, he was in the league last year? Really?), has set us straight.

Couple Celebrates Nuptials by Honoring Ravens, Doing Ray-Ray Dance

I think I'd be less appalled if Joe Flacco and Ray Lewis actually got married. Instead, we're treated to some hardcore Ravens fans celebrating their nuptials by donning the jerseys of their favorite players and forcing the wedding party to do the same.

And no homage to the unexceptional would be complete without the groom busting out the Ray-Ray Dance. (He forgot to rub grass all over himself! Bogus!)

Video madness after the jump.

Beers Bigger Than 20 Ounces Available at 3 NFL Stadiums



The National Football League has a twisted relationship with beer. Some of its biggest advertisers are beer companies, and teams make big money from selling beer in stadiums. But, as Michael McCarthy details in USA Today, the league also tries hard to avoid embarrassing scenes of drunken fans getting unruly and violent in the stands.
WHAT IS
BACK PORCH?

The easy answer:
Back Porch exists because FanHouse doesn't have a basement for its bloggers. The bigger picture? BP covers sports news that's funny, off-beat and controversial. In short, it's the other side of sports, covered with an edge. Enjoy.